LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Commuters heading to work in Betoota’s Old City district this morning reported seeing the world’s least motivated pair of eyes, attached to the face of the local traffic controller who it is fair to say, is running a bit slow today.

Enjoying the twin joys of starting the work week and being a pedestrian amongst road work, it was clear to all heading to their pointless jobs in the arts that the controller might be feeling a bit tender.

The lollipop lady has since been identified as Michaela Buckley (24) who struggled to express her disdain for living out two stereotypes at once as she vomited into her hard hat.

“We weren’t buzzing or nothing, just having some drinks and listening to The Cranberries,” murmured Buckely as she gripped to her lollipop as if it held the solution to purging one’s body of a bottle of Jameson.

“I didn’t mean to start acting the maggot. Feck me, it all went arseways.”

According to Buckley, her cold unmoving eyes and inability to full exhale have not impeded her ability to hold a stick with the sign on the end of it and get yelled at by truckies if she holds it for too long on one side.

“No, I feel grand like.”

More to come.


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