Local News

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact Tension has been mounting in the nearby suburb of Glencurry during what was intended to be a ‘low-key’ backyard get together. Melanie, 34, was celebrating her birthday with a small group of her closest girlfriends when mother in law Helen decided to pop by in what has been described as a “characteristically cavalier” manner, loudly announcing herself...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young man from the Betoota Heights district is facing criticism around town this morning for an extremely provocative action. With the Game Of Thrones hype at an all-time high, Bradley Simpson has risked life and limb today by driving around town revealing a huge spoiler to fans of the hit series. Revealing spoilers has long been regarded...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local longfella Pete 'Pistol' Sauer has today moved quickly to provide a more aesthetic average height to his group of mates. During a long-awaited boys trip to Longreach, Pistol and the boys were snapped by a local venue photographer drinking the novelty Pimms that were on offer during happy hour at the iconic Bird Cage Hotel - but...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local working-single-mother-of-two has today confirmed the theories that she is a full blown communist by pledging her allegiance to whichever political party can't offer her affordable childcare. The prominent canteen mum from Betoota's Flight Path District has long been accused of being a Red, especially after it was revealed that she was sitting on a waiting list...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local, very eligible bachelor has been forced to bite the bullet this evening and admit defeat. After trying to get on the front foot and chalk up an easy win by washing his sheets, the man named Chris Anderson was hoping that the set had dried during the course of the crisp Autumn day. However, with the week only a day old, the...

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact Adrian, 34, whose parents forked out a large sum of money last April in an attempt to make his dreams come true, was notably quiet when the conversation turned to the Fyre Fest documentary during last night’s dinner with friends. While he has not yet seen the documentary himself, his future plans have been sobered by...

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact A Betoota man’s attempt at establishing a romantic connection with his longtime crush has fallen flat this afternoon after it was revealed that the two of them are not actually astrologically compatible. Months after initiating contact with Stacey (23) over a good ten minutes worth of bar side banter regarding the Betoota Pub’s decision to keep...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local woman has come to an embarrassing realisation today after seeing her best friend's ‘hot’ older brother in the real world and realising that she used to have a crush on a bloke she now wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.  It didn’t really take that long for Annie Milson to realise her standards were too low,...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Disgusting scenes are unfolding at a French Quarter cafe this morning as a couple who are clearly still in their clothes from the night before are open mouth kissing each other across the table. Witnesses at the scene say the couple reek of cigarettes and alcohol and are, for some reason, kissing extremely loudly. “It’s like they’re holding a microphone...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In sad news, a local Betoota man has passed away this evening after his larrikin friend started singing happy birthday to him in a busy restaurant, even though it wasn’t his birthday. It’s believed he died mid-way through the hip-hip-hooray segment, but that has not yet been confirmed as the whole restaurant was swept up in singing. Tim Lacoste...