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A local, very eligible bachelor has been forced to bite the bullet this evening and admit defeat.

After trying to get on the front foot and chalk up an easy win by washing his sheets, the man named Chris Anderson was hoping that the set had dried during the course of the crisp Autumn day.

However, with the week only a day old, the young copywriter currently residing in our town’s French Quarter was forced to take a fat L, as he arrived back home to be greeted by sheets damper than Bill Shorten’s one-liners.

“Fuck,” he sighed acknowledging the fact that he was going bareback again tonight, for the 2nd time this year.

Like any bachelor living out of home, Anderson only owns one pair of sheets, so when he decides to wash them every few months because he’s spilt his dinner in there or pissed the bed the night before after a couple too many of Betoota’s finest (which he’s done twice now) he desperately needs the linen to dry before sundown.

So on days like today, when that doesn’t happen, Anderson has to make himself comfortable with the fact that his going sheetless, or bareback as it’s otherwise known on his not-so-white-anymore Koala Mattress.

“Ah well, things could always be worse I suppose,” he said to us while he polished off the last of a value range pizza.

“I actually don’t think it’s that dirty to do, but it just sort of feels a bit dirty deep down. I’ll get another pair of sheets one day so this doesn’t happen.”

For now, however, Anderson says it will be a sheetless night’s sleep.


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