Central Queensland’s health system is this week buckling under the strain of a new phenomenon.

Rockhampton Base Hospital has confirmed to The Advocate that they’ve had to call in staff from all around the state to help deal with the inundation of hospitalised bushies missing a bit of bark.

The medical facility has seen an overwhelming number of drunk farmers stumbling through the door after being bucked off by these rogue orange ponies.

While they might not have the CC’s or the horsepower of some more traditional machines, the kick of the Nueron e-scooters in Rocky has claimed more than a handful of new victims.

The region’s major hospital has had to deal with the crisis after nearly 115,000 people have descended upon the jewel of the Capricornia for Beef 2024.

The tri-annual flagship primary production event has of course seen a major uptick in hospitality and tourism for the region, but it’s come at a cost to the medical professionals working away in the region.

“Fuck, these drunk cockies keep getting attracted to the shininess of the e-scooters after a few sodas, and they can’t help but hop on the back of em,” said a health worker under the promise of anonymity.

“If they keep going at this rate, there’s gonna be a few more carcasses getting around Rocky this weekend.”

“One bloke was so dazed coming in here that he started telling us he’s keen to head down to Casino Beef Week.”

“We immediately rushed him through for scans.”

“Mind you, it is cute to see a couple of blind drunk young fellas double on a scooter through town.”

More to come.


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