Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local working-single-mother-of-two has today confirmed the theories that she is a full blown communist by pledging her allegiance to whichever political party can't offer her affordable childcare. The prominent canteen mum from Betoota's Flight Path District has long been accused of being a Red, especially after it was revealed that she was sitting on a waiting list...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local, very eligible bachelor has been forced to bite the bullet this evening and admit defeat. After trying to get on the front foot and chalk up an easy win by washing his sheets, the man named Chris Anderson was hoping that the set had dried during the course of the crisp Autumn day. However, with the week only a day old, the...

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact Adrian, 34, whose parents forked out a large sum of money last April in an attempt to make his dreams come true, was notably quiet when the conversation turned to the Fyre Fest documentary during last night’s dinner with friends. While he has not yet seen the documentary himself, his future plans have been sobered by...

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact A Betoota man’s attempt at establishing a romantic connection with his longtime crush has fallen flat this afternoon after it was revealed that the two of them are not actually astrologically compatible. Months after initiating contact with Stacey (23) over a good ten minutes worth of bar side banter regarding the Betoota Pub’s decision to keep...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local woman has come to an embarrassing realisation today after seeing her best friend's ‘hot’ older brother in the real world and realising that she used to have a crush on a bloke she now wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.  It didn’t really take that long for Annie Milson to realise her standards were too low,...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Disgusting scenes are unfolding at a French Quarter cafe this morning as a couple who are clearly still in their clothes from the night before are open mouth kissing each other across the table. Witnesses at the scene say the couple reek of cigarettes and alcohol and are, for some reason, kissing extremely loudly. “It’s like they’re holding a microphone...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In sad news, a local Betoota man has passed away this evening after his larrikin friend started singing happy birthday to him in a busy restaurant, even though it wasn’t his birthday. It’s believed he died mid-way through the hip-hip-hooray segment, but that has not yet been confirmed as the whole restaurant was swept up in singing. Tim Lacoste...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local 'bitch' on the other end of an email better be ready for a war of passive-aggressive words today after she sent an email beginning with the phrase ‘as per my previous email’. According to reports, Audrey Frawley, the EA at a local finance firm, read the first line of the email and went into the zone. Her mouth...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Tragedy has struck a Betoota Grove home today after a young woman overdosed on Bananas. Stephanie Brink (27) was rushed to hospital by her flatmate at around 10:30am and is believed to be in a serious but stable condition. The Advocate can confirm that Steph ingesting over 23 of the yellow fruit in an effort to increase the serotonin...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A group of guys who look like they could be in Ocean Alley, or like a little brother version of Tame Impala, aren't really into all that. Local heart-throbs Joel, Jay, Ollie and Jordie (all 22) carry themselves like a bunch of young blokes that were raised in a sleepy beach town, but not the Bra Boy types, the...