Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "You mean to say they get the power from the sun?" he said. The Member for Kennedy asked his media advisor to quickly pull over after passing the Windorah Solar Farm earlier today so he could take a closer look. "Pull over," said Katter, tapping the driver on the shoulder. After saying nothing for twenty minutes, Bob...

GILBERT HESSE | Culture | Contact A local father of four has revealed to The Advocate this morning that coming across a freshly-cleaned public toilet has been the highlight of his otherwise dull weekend. Betoota Ponds man, Dennis Wilmott, regaled our reporters regarding his experience today at the Grey Range National Park public toilets - where he said the facilities were...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact Stephen Donald has finally asked his girlfriend if she would like to go out for dinner, after exhausting all of his Friday night beer options today. After waiting for hours without a response from his friends, Donald bit the bullet and committed to a quiet Friday evening and a bite to eat. “I’m playing it...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent local smoker has come under fire today after refusing to roll a cigarette for a hip youth who hit him up for one in the smoking area of The Gelded Goana Hotel in Betoota's fabled Old City district. When asked by Thomas Brock if he could 'borrow' a cigarette, Sam Greenholm paused the conversation he was in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A semi-retired local mother has taken to social media this morning in an attempt to stave off the boredom often associated with home life. Wendy Gondola, the owner-operator of popular French Quater hammock shop, Heroin Hammocks, has taken a shine to 'Minions' memes according to her son, Dylan. However, Dylan is beginning to think that signing his mother up to The...

ESSIE BURKE | Human Interest | CONTACT Lauryn Prince is a busy 20-something who enjoys subverting society's expectations about what young women should be and do on their wedding day. That's why the junior accountant from Betoota Heights has decided to do her nuptials her way and hire a photo booth for the big day. "A couple of my friends have had them with the funny props like moustaches and stuff," Ms Prince said. "But mine's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Curiosity got the better of prominent local fool, Glenn Bexley, this afternoon after he popped the top off his PERT 2-in-1 shampoo and had a taste. The marginally-employed real estate agent revealed to The Advocate that he always wondered what his shampoo would taste like, seeing as though it smells so delicious. "I had to find out," said the 38-year-old stay-at-home-son. "So I...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mr S, as he would like to be referred to, has made it clear that just because Betoota High School's 9C's usual teacher has gastro, it doesn't mean the next few days are going to be made up of spare lessons. The bald veteran seat-filler of secondary education has let out the loudest 'oi' ever heard in by...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Mortified at the prospect of same-sex couples being legally allowed to enter a loveless marriage such as his, a local sexagenarian has taken to Facebook to show his support for the 'Vote No' campaign in the upcoming postal ballot on same-sex marriage. Each time Graham Monckton sees a young person show their support for the 'Yes'...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Assuring the customer that the machine is not broken and after the customer blamed the bank, a local bartender's heart has been warmed thoroughly seeing a terrible person's credit card be repeatedly declined before his eyes. Martin Cornhole clicked his fingers until Sam McKendy turned around and started to serve him. "That was when I discovered he was a cunt,"...