Politics

Politics Of Billionaire Entertainer Surprisingly Ambiguous Enough To Please All Sides

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact US entertainer Taylor Swift has made a rare political statement today, telling her 230 million followers to vote for who represents them the best. On top of that divisive message, the 34-year-old billionaire went on to implore her American Swifties to register to vote and make their vote count in the upcoming US Election later...

Government Place Paul Keating Into Virtual Reality In The Hope That He Shuts Up And Fucks Off

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An Apple Vision Pro has been glued onto the head of former Prime Minister Paul Keating this afternoon in an effort to keep him docile and quiet for the foreseeable future. The move was greenlit by the Federal Government, a significant target for Mr Keating's criticisms as of late - and Prime Minister Anthony Albanese...

Political Experts Reveal Artist Impression Of Tassie’s Future If Jacqui Lambie Wins State Election

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just a few weeks out from the Tasmanian Election, and the Australian Media is growing increasingly worried about the possibility of living in a world where the Liberal Party does not hold any form of government at a State or Federal level. Despite trying their hardest to spin last weekend's Dunkley By-Election result as somewhat of a win for...

Treasurer Jim Chalmers Labelled A Tight Arse After Organising A Pin Dick 35 Footer For Albo’s Bux

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The rowdy bucks party group chat for the newly engaged Prime Minister has descended into a full blown roast of the token Queenslander this morning. After a basic itinerary was formed over weeks of highly unorganised messaging, it seems that Treasurer Jim Chalmers has decided to completely undermine existing plans by booking a party boat for a day out...

Dutton Launches New Bazball Strategy To Defeat Albo After Celebrating Convincing Loss In Dunkley

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For those who haven't been exposed by the charity work of the Costello and Murdoch newspapers, Peter Dutton's inability to win back a marginal electorate full of mortgage-distressed boomers during a cost-of-living crisis is being reported as 'A warning for Albanese'. As was confirmed early on Saturday evening by the ABC's expert elections analyst Antony Green, Labor has won...

Liberals Fail To Win Dunkley By-Election But Confident After Achieving 3.6% Swing With Blatant Racism

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT At the height of a cost-of-living crisis, in a news cycle marred by global uncertainty and harrowing images of war and tragedy - the Liberal Party has failed to land a blow on the Albanese government at the Dunkley by-election. In a marginal outer-suburban seat full of No-Voters who are up to their eyeballs in mortgage stress, the Labor...

Betoota Advocate Lay Off 193 Staff From QLD Newsroom Following Scott Morrison’s Farewell To Parliament

THE BETOOTA VIEW | CONTACT Scott Morrison MP has delivered his valedictory speech in Parliament today, as the 30th Australian Prime Minister retires from Federal Politics. His speech was exactly what the people of Australia had come to expect from him throughout his 17 year career in politics: starting with a lengthy Taylor Swift reference, before stoking fears about foreign threats, and then...

Liberals Tell Hormonal Female Voters To Stop Making A Big Deal About Them Picking Another Scomo-Lookalike Over 2 Women In Dunkley

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | CONTACT The Liberal Party has had to release an official statement today urging female voters to stop being so irrational, after multiple female candidates were once again overlooked in their latest Federal pre-selection. As it stands, the Liberals have only 9 female MPs in the lower house of Federal Parliament, out of 46 seats. However, there seems to be unrest...

“No, I Can’t Get My Wedding Suit From There. That’s The Old Albo,” Says PM Walking Past Marrickville Metro Tarocash

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has told himself no this afternoon and exercised a bit of old fashioned self-control by not allowing himself to peruse the latest selections at an old local menswear retailer. Anthony Albanese was visiting Marrickville Metro today to officially unveil a new portrait of his young self in the second-floor disabled toilet when...

Katter Says The Only Way To Break Up The Woolworths And Coles Duopoly Is To Increase Our Intake Of Greeks And Italians Because Your Average Australian Unfortunately Lacks Both...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Coles and Woolworths have been put on notice to “do the right thing” as Prime Minister Anthony Albanese signals he’d be willing to intervene to break up supermarket duopoly. This follows as catastrophic ABC 4 Corners investigation on Monday night that saw the CEOs of both supermarket giants arrogantly defending their practices. The Woolworths CEO has since announced his...

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