STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT
IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW: In a revelation that shook the very foundations of millennial belief systems, 28-year-old Alex Jays’s entire worldview crumbled after stumbling upon a TikTok video by an 8-year-old declaring her zodiac sign as the ultimate authority.
“It was like a cosmic awakening,” Jay’s muttered.
“I’ve spent years searching for meaning in my life, it’s only after I watched this TikTok made by an 8-year-old on CapCut with trending audio that it all just clicked for me” She told Betoota.
The TikTok video, featuring the pint-sized astrologer flaunting her Leo status with the confidence of a seasoned sage, garnered millions of views within hours. “I always new there was something to this Mercury in retrograde mumbo jumbo” Jays confessed, eyes glazed with newfound humility.
Now that the algorithm has her all figured out, Jay’s spends her spare time scrolling this Teenybopper’s TikTok account to watch her debate the nuances of the stars, choosing to ignore her complete lack of life skills and literacy.
“It’s not about winning,” they said with a solemn nod. “It’s about finding harmony in the cosmic chaos, even if it means bowing to a second grader’s star-spangled
wisdom.”
The stars may guide, but TikTok’s Gen Z ramblings reign supreme.
More to come.
