Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following a soap operatic November news cycle, The Australian cricket side reshuffle is complete. Steve Smith, who captained Australia for 34 Tests until the fateful ball-tampering scandal is now the vice captain to Pat Cummins. Smudge will likely assume more responsibility than past vice-captains given the fact that the selectors have thrown the side into uncharted territory with their unorthodox...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With another big day of trying to manufacture outrage on the cards, NRL journalists at NewsCorp have decided to reveal to the public how many times a rugby league player might swear in a conversation with an ex-rugby league player. In an exclusive report obtained by watching a podcast that they are loath to name in their story,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT American Health officials announced today that a devastating Australian variant has reached North America, with one man nearly hospitalised in New York City last night. Known by the Greek title 'Kambosos' - the Australian variant managed to take down Brooklyn native Teófimo Lopez in the first round of their lightweight title bout, and held on to win a split...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The tragedy of the South Sydney Rabbitohs’ last-minute 2021 Grand Final loss to the Penrith Panthers back in October has been dimmed slightly today, after the club’s diehard fanbase were able to chalk up a rather significant win to finish the year with. The Bunnies NRL season looked to finish with a fairytale this year, with fans hoping...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Proving that some Millenials do in fact enjoy oppression, Generation Y member Arnie Koscho (25) has gone the whole hog and put a Wests Tigers bumper sticker on the rear of his Toyota Corolla. “Got a good deal on it,” lied Koscho. “Seven thousand dollars at only 200,000 kilometres.” At the time of writing, one of the few things deemed more...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The captain of the Australia team has dropped a bombshell announcement this afternoon. Tim Paine has revealed to the media that he will be standing down as the captain of the national team, after being given Sext and Out. Following on from the traditional backyard cricket rules where anyone who slogs too hard has to walk, Paine is...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Australians waits with baited breathe for the commencement of the first Ashes Test at the Gabba on December 8, it seems selectors have chosen this occasion to host the homecoming of one of Queensland's favourite, honorary, sons. Usman Khawaja has been included 15-man Australia squad for the first time in more than two years, and will utilise his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian billionaire Mike Cannon-Brookes has been ordered to head down to Redfern and get a proper tune-up as soon as possible - that's if he wants to be embraced as the newest celebrity owner of the the South Sydney Rabbitohs rugby league club. The 41-year-old Atlassian founder and mortal enemy of Scott Morrison now joins Hollywood actor Russell Crowe...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A British man who works in recruiting or something has today shocked his local friendship group, by revealing that he doesn't care about T20 cricket. The huge admission comes after he spent last weekend's pub sessions telling his mates that the English pretty much had two hands on the T20 World Cup. Following a resounding victory over the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Federal Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese looks as likely to take government as he's ever been, after Labor extends its lead to 54-46 in the latest Newspoll. These numbers come as a surprise to the inner-city Labor media elite, who refuse to believe Albanese can appeal to any voters until he commits to tearing up every highway in the country...