Whilst the country continues to endure a wave of needlessly eccentric baby names, one cherished place in Betoota continues to act as a shining beacon of common sense, The Advocate can report.

Screwed into the back wall of the Betoota Flight Path District Bowls Club, the life members board of the heralded establishment is an illustrious list of no nonsense first names.

The kind of names that belong to people that don’t have grass allergies, or can stomach a glass of full cream milk without having tummy issues.

Good honest names. The type of names that can translate across cultures, or at least have ethnic equivalents. Whether it’s John or Giovanni or Youhanna – these are the names that make sense. Names you can trust.

While newborns called Anakin, Lumi, Zephyr and Aesop continue to be popped out at Betoota French Quarter Hospital, the dusty board continues to be a relic of old times, when kids used to be called names that didn’t necessarily need to play a part in their personality or sense of uniqueness.

Filled with sensible titles like Clive, Daryl, Maureen and Trevor, it’s believed many of the old timers in town wish their adult children had reflected on the board before choosing “effortlessly cool” ideas after hours of online research.

“Last weekend I went to my grandson’s 6th birthday, god wasn’t that a headache,” said Betoota Bowls treasurer Glenn Keith, as he wet his moustache with an ice-cold schooner at 11am in the morning.

“The names around that picnic table were a joke, there was an Aspen, a Khaleesi, a girl called Kewpie and one little red head called Nimbin.”

“And don’t even get me started on my bloody grandson’s name, the little gumnut is running around with a name like Ajax, and I’m the one who gets in trouble for calling him “Spray n’ Wipe!”.

While some of the names are in fact so old school that they even appear to be foreign, or extinct, others are also clearly nicknames that became legitimised by the owner’s no-nonsense personality.

“I wouldn’t even mind having a grandson called Chook.” says BFPDBC treasurer, Keith.

“Or a granddaughter called Flo or Dot”

“At least those collaquial names are steeped in common sense. Unlike my granddaughter, Aquamarine”


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