Headlines

Wedding Photographer Not Prepared For Nathan’s Fashionable Pin Stripes

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A run-of-the-mill kind of bloke named Nathan has made life very hard for a poorly prepared wedding photographer over the weekend. Nathan, a 30-year-old high school mate of the groom who works in an building strata administration, whipped out his best smart casual attire for the holy matrimony. However, his thin navy and off-white pin striped shirt has thrown a...

Chinese Gyprocker Getting Stuck Into One Of Those Other Types Of Fanta

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local gyprock and indoor tiling specialist has today confirmed that there is still a few places selling non-orange flavoured Fanta. Mike (77) fits just about every other stereotype befitted upon Australian tilers, in that he is never not squatting, even during smoko, as well as his generous offerings of cigarettes with no health warnings on the packet. That, and...

Generic White Dork #2 Elected As New Leader Of NSW Labor Party

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Generic white dork #2 has secured the leadership of the NSW Labor Party, and pledged to "fix the planning system in NSW" should he be elected Premier in March. He has also indicated that he will do his very best to not be corrupt and go to prison like most of the prominent NSW Labor Right identities over the...

Private School Graduate Begins First Of Four Gap Years

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In Betoota Grove, Year 12 graduate Simone Fletcher (18) told The Advocate that she is very excited that her exams are over, and that she cannot wait to begin the first of her four gap years. Fletcher states she is delighted to have finally finished her exams and is hoping to be somewhere in South America when the results come out...

Sportsbet Publicly Euthanised After A Tragic Fall During The Melbourne Cup

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After providing written evidence that their legal team had a quicker turn around than their app developers, the fun-loving larrikin of predatory online gambling was tragically euthanised yesterday afternoon. This followed earlier reports that Sportsbet had crashed nationwide in the lead-up to the Melbourne Cup, the busiest betting event of the year. Both problem gamblers and once-off punters who...

Broken Lock On Door Of Public Toilet Results In A Bit Of Mid-Poop Yoga

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Bryan Hatton has spent the last 24 minutes wrestling with the gruelling task of "taking a dump" - while also hyperextending his left arm in order to keep the door shut, in the Betoota Hotel men's room. It appears the door in the far-right stall has, at some point, suffered a blow from a patron's boot on the...

Local Punter Knows He’s Half-Cut After Actually Laughing At Sportsbet Ad

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Armchair commentator Angus Doorey (32) recently discovered he was a bit more sauced than he thought after actually laughing at an ad for Sportsbet. Although there were six empty beer bottles on his table alongside two empty packets of chips, Doorey knew that he’d had too much to drink when he laughed at the Sportsbet ad which made light...

Seconds Feel Like Hours As Man Waits On Reply To Extremely Spicy Meme He Posted In Group Chat

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Levi Ashton confirmed to us today that a few seconds earlier on were nearly the longest of his life. The time seemed to drag on forever a short time ago as the young engineer from Betoota's French Quarter dropped some very hot content into a group chat with his mates. "Fuck me I started sweating after probably 30 seconds. I...

Report: Long Bay Correctional Centre Actually Very Pleasant

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sydney City, known for it's beautiful harbour and beaches, is such a nice destination that members of the coalition government have declared that even the region's toughest prison is actually quite pleasant. One liberal MP, who was talking to 2GB radio because it is the only media platform that refrains from questioning him over his ongoing racist and misogynistic...

Warner Takes Off Across The Nullarbor After Being Added Back Into Aussie Cricket Team WhatsApp

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian cricket fans are today rethinking their position on ball-tampering, after the Longstaff Review claimed that the win at all costs culture in Australian cricket played a huge role in last summers sporting scandal that consumed the nation. The calls have been echoed by the Australian Cricketers Association who are demanding that the bans on the players who...

Social

582,610FansLike
347,294FollowersFollow
27,794FollowersFollow

Breaking News