Headlines

CSIRO Find Link Between Quality Of MDMA Being Sold In Nightclub And Amount Of Chewy In Urinal

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the CSIRO has found that the amount of chewy caught up on the low-flush urinal screen in nightclub bathroom directly correlates to how good the pingers are. Lead researcher Professor Lote Berrigan says staff at the West Betoota CSIRO branch have found an undeniable link between how many people are chewing their faces off, and...

Katter’s New Senator Details How He Wants To Ban People Like The Katters From Migrating Here

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prominent Maronite-Lebanese-Aboriginal-Jewish-Venetian-Irish-Catholic North Queensland MP Bob Katter has quickly learned that the new Senator he stole from One Nation is actually probably more racist than anyone in One Nation. In a provocative first speech to Parliament, KAP's first Queensland senator, Fraser Anning has called for a return to a "European Christian" immigration system, effectively ruling out anyone like Bob...

Ch10 Producers Struggling To Come Up With Whole Season Worth Of One-Liners For The Badger

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Television producers at network Channel 10 are reportedly under the pump ahead of tomorrow's season opener of the Honey Bachelor. The once-great youth entertainment channel, which is home to Australian Bachelor and Bachelorette franchise has been hammering its producers to get everything right for the launch of a new series. The new series, which will be featuring the former Wallabies...

Bucks Party Waiting Till Very Last Minute To Discuss Whose Card Is Taking The Hit At Hotel

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |Contact There was an elephant in the room at a bucks party this weekend. Not the fact that the groom’s wife to be had explicitly outlined what she would do if there were strippers present over the weekend. But who would be taking the bullet and giving their credit card to the staff at the hotel reception upon...

Animal-Loving Hunk Graces Tinder With Photo Of Him Petting A Sedated Tiger In Thailand

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local bachelor, George De Souza (27) says he doesn't use Tinder much, but when he does, he gets a few bites here and there. Aside from his well written 60 word bio about how painfully uninteresting his life is between his job at Betoota's TAB head office and his sharehouse living arrangement in a relatively mundane South Betoota...

“I Wish They Didn’t Cover The Coleslaw In Mayo” Says Man Halfway Through 800g Schnitty

LOUIS BOURKE | Editor | Contact Local unit Jared O’Toole (32) tucked into a well-earned pub lunch only to express a disdain for the coleslaw that was saturated in mayonnaise that accompanied his 800g schnitzel. Taking in a few jars at the Betoota Tavern, O’Toole opted for the schnitzel instead of the chicken burger as to save on carbs. To his detriment, O’Toole discovered that...

Malcolm Turnbull Accused Of Being A ‘Class Traitor’ After Being Pictured Wearing Hi-Vis

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Members of the Wentworth Electorate have slammed their sitting member today. The high net-worth and socio-economically well to do electorate has accused their representative, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull of turning his back on them. The criticism comes after leaked photos emerged of the PM parading around in a high visibility vest. Turnbull has yet to fully address the issue, but issued...

Man Shadow Kickboxing In The Park Dares You To Make Eye Contact

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A krav maga, kickboxing and UFC enthusiast named Klay Wilson (28) sat down with The Advocate to explain why you'd have to be pretty fucked in the head go even look at him. The topless park goer, with a couple of piss weak tattoos on his back, said that he enjoys coming down to the Euston Park in the...

Next Beer Expected to Open Up Possibility Of A Three Piece

Partaking in an impromptu Sunday session with half a dozen equally cut mates, Betoota Dolphin’s front rower Caden McLocklyon (22) has confirmed that the next beer is going to firmly plant the idea of a Three Piece Feed in his mind. The Sunday session reportedly began with the intention of commiserating the fact that all seven attendees failed to pick...

Severe Boredom Of Maternity Leave Eased After Posting Flashback Photos From Wedding In 2015

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local mother-to-be has today found herself unable to avoid reminding everyone about just how perfect her wedding was in July, 2015. While two weeks into maternity leaves, Kim Sironsen (32) has today found her self so bored that she's doing things she swore she never would. One particular cliché is posting flashback photos of 'the day she married her...

Social

537,047FansLike
284,942FollowersFollow
21,299FollowersFollow

Breaking News