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George Pell Begins Working On His Moonwalk In Effort To Repair His Image

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After 6 or so months behind bars, former Cardinal of the Catholic Church and convicted child sex offender George Pell has stated he is looking for alternate ways to win back the people’s favour. Having been stripped of all his former titles and freedom, the perverted hypocrite states he...

130km Per Hour Definitely Not Fast Enough To Be In Right Lane, Says Skyline R33 With Red Ps

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Skyline owner, Brendo (19) says he and the boys have got somewhere to be, and they are looking for an off-ramp in the next 40-50 kilometres so if you could fuck off out of the way, that'd be tight. With some sort of a house party slash gatho...

Parliament Rushes To Roll Back Message Encryption Laws After Senate Passes Federal ICAC Bill

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Both sides of politics are in a panic today, after realising the laws they passed to invade the privacy of their own citizens might also result in them being charged for corruption. In December last year, Australia passed controversial laws designed to compel technology companies to grant police and...

“Yes, Leigh. The Economy Has Faced A Few Hurdles This Year… A Bit Like My Sharkies!”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Prime Minister has horrified economists and rugby league fans by drawing parallels between the struggling economy and the soon-to-be relocated Cronulla Sharks. Morrison berated 7.30 host Leigh Sales for her “absurd proposition” that suggested the government’s focus on achieving a surplus “undercut” the Reserve Bank’s attempts to stimulate...

Nine To Replace Evening News With 2 Hours Of Joey And Fatty Thinking Aloud While JT Giggles

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In an effort to keep up the ratings in the weekday evenings, the Nine Network have today announced plans to just flat out stop broadcasting the news. They will instead put resources behind the already popular TV format of Andrew Johns and Paul Vautin talking absolute shit while Jonathan...

Man Briefly Confused By Phone’s Sudden Auto-Rotate Before Remembering He Just Watched Porn

KAY MCSULLY | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local bloke, Ben Williams had been trying to zoom in on a private Instagram profile when his phone screen rotated. Shocked and appalled, he’d immediately retraced his steps to find out exactly why it was happening. “I thought it was a new update, or worse still,...

Inside Brisbane’s Bold Strategy To Avoid Alcohol-Fuelled Violence: Arresting Violent People

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Last week Brisbane played host to the country's only music industry conference - held annually in Fortitude Valley, Australia's very own South By Southwest. In its 18th year, BIGSOUND was by all accounts a with over 153 showcasing artists and thousands of locals being treated to life music for four...

Morrison Tells Insolent Biloela Residents To Shut Up And Be Good Little Quiet Australians

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Federal Court judge has this morning ordered the Immigration Minister to provide more evidence to support claims the youngest child of the Biloela Tamil family has no right to protection in Australia. This ruling means the young family, who are facing ethnic persecution if it is forced back...

PM Says Rural QLD Town Of Abattoir Workers And Coal Miners Just Bunch Of Out-Of-Touch Lefties

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has dug in his heels as public pressure mounts around his decision to do nothing about the deportation of a much-loved family currently being held on Christmas Island, as they await the outcome of a last-ditch legal effort to stay in Australia on Friday. The...

150 Kilogram 4th-Grade Prop Just Took A DNA Test And Turns Out He’s 100% That Bitch

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One popular local husky unit has turned up to footy training this week with a newfound confidence in his big beautiful body. With a stable long-term relationship and a couple kids, Betoota Ponds-based labour hire logistics manager, Loto Ah-Kee (31) has never really come across as the type of...

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