Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It's hardly news but Australia's peak scientific body, the CSIRO, is launching a study into why cats do the things they do that make us sad. Spurred on by a recent episode with his feline life companion, CSIRO researcher Gavin Pooley decided to get to the bottom of why his cat seems to do things solely out of spite. "For the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There was a point in time when Mark Donald cared about his clients. That time was a long time ago. As his caseload increases with each new day, he sees his youth dissolve into Friday and Saturday nights spent with either his friends from the office or old friends from high school. Everyone seems to be doing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite there not being a bass guitar on stage, a local concert-goer took it upon himself last night to wander over to the sound technician to tell him to turn the bass up. Trying desperately to catch the soundies eye during the third song, Hamish Madden told The Advocate that he couldn't just stand there...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular Betoota Ponds golden retriever has reportedly stopped a local thunderstorm this afternoon by barking at it. With each boom and crash of the passing tempest, Brett, the 11-year-old canine in question responded with an equally as loud bark. A short time later, the clouds began to disperse over town and the surrounding area was...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Unable to go hiking until now, one local accountant almost completely devoid of a personality received his new Patagonia tee shirt today in the mail - which means he now has everything he needs to tackle the great outdoors. "I don't know which local trail I want to hike first!" gleamed Peter Hutchinson, 29. Moments before, the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Stephen Kovari has had an absolute cunt of a yesterday. Speaking to The Advocate from his humble Betoota Ponds studio apartment, the 36-year-old salesperson said everything could go wrong did go wrong, before paraphrasing the rest of the song's more offensive lyrics. First, his boss called him into his office first thing. "We all need to tighten our belts here," said...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local 20-year-old bloke could be making a move on either side of the law at this rate, judging by how rigged he has gotten over the last year or so. His recent purchases of heaps of cool news clothes and upgraded taste in dark spirits also leads one think that he has a pretty safe job lined...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Lauded as 'The Channel Country's Clem7" the new Diamantina monorail service was launched today by Betoota mayor Councillor Keith Carton and several other neighbouring mayors. Servicing Boulia, Windorah, Betoota, Birdsville and Bedourie - the 1000 kilometre elevated railway system will service hundreds of tourists and about 70 locals who can afford to use it as a means of commuting...

GREG PONCHO | Canberra et al. | Contact A popular Point Piper public servant has sighed repeatedly over his cappuccino this morning after realising that all the renewable and sustainable energy technology he invested in previously isn't compatible with the future. Malcolm Turnbull, the 29th and current Prime Minister of Australia, told neighbours that he plans to have the solar panels...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Betoota's iconic 'Outdoor Recreational Holiday Park' has today unveiled their daring new gender-neutral bathrooms, as board members of the 200-year-old tourism destination admit that "it's time to acknowledge that we live in 2017". The new facilities are tipped to offer the exact same experience for men and women (and everything in between) without the pressures of archaic gender...