Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An aging homeowner was the talk of the Royal Betoota Yacht Squadron today after fellow homeowners began mocking the 66-year-old over the size of the font on his iPhone. Dudley Raleigh, a semi-retired piano tuner from Betoota Grove, was left red-faced this afternoon as the contents of his messages were able to be seen from...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Home Affairs Minister has taken to local radio this morning to set the recent au pair controversy straight and outline the difference between being criminally corrupt and just helping out a mate. Peter Dutton spoke to Clive Overell this morning on KBBL South Betoota's Breakfast With The Right People programme, where he distanced himself from claims that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Looking down at the green frogs clinging to dear life in the toilet this morning, a local craft brewer said the thought did cross her mind. "I wondered, briefly, if you could make a beer out of green frogs," she said. "Even if you could, but. The greenies would jump all over you." Denise Roper, head brewer...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Wallabies coach Michael Cheika says he's disappointed that Kurtley Beale is considering a career change, especially after his effort in The Wallabies the 23-18 victory against The Springboks last night. "We are getting some momentum. So it's a shame he's got this idea of selling second hand cars down on Parramatta road in his head. But yes, I'll admit...

STELLA YARDY | Human Suffering | Contact Fresh from a 16-hour sleep last night, Jack Cadwallader briefly toyed with the idea of doing something mildly productive with his Saturday - but ultimately elected to go to the pub by himself at lunch. The somewhat popular 31-year-old treated himself to a lentil burger for lunch down at the Betoota Heights Turf Club...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact "It's something I aspire to," he said. "A brighter, more sustainable future for me and the planet. But first, I need to make some money." The road Mike Greenhauer is on is long. It starts at the Betoota Ponds postal distribution depot and it finished somewhere in the leafy cul-de-sacs of Betoota Grove. The 26-year-old unionised forklift...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Go Barn! Go!" they bellowed. "You can do it! Make it rain, Barn! Wooooo!" Barnaby Joyce made it rain this afternoon on a drought-stricken local farm today after telling onlookers he was going to harness the power of his own mind to bring the wet stuff. Scott Morrison's special envoy on the drought grunted and spat as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The credibility of a French Quarter area creative is in ruins this afternoon as friends of the man discovered that his father, a prominent cardiologist, has been paying his rent and phone bill for the entire duration of his well-publicised fight against The Man. The Man, thought to be Betoota Mayor Councillor Keith Carton, has been...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia's peak scientific body has issued a warning this morning of the dangers of the rapidly increasing numbers of videos surfacing online of people being swooped by errant magpies. At a Canberra press conference this morning, a CSIRO spokesperson explained that the sheer volume of videos and the popularity of the magpie meme threaten to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Government propaganda and big sunscreen will have you believe there's nothing healthy about a tan. That's according to Jackson Chongdale, who's recently returned home to Betoota from a North American odyssey-of-a-lifetime. However, the now-bronzed 28-year-old city worker wouldn't tell you unless you told him. "He's pretty reserved, old Jackson," said one friend who spoke briefly to The...