Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The South Betoota Pharmacy is blatantly selling lollies and chocolates, it has been confirmed. Aside from the vaguely justifiable glucose jelly beans aimed at helping diabetics stabilize, local pharmacist Sparky Kennedy has also placed 'low sugar' licorice, caramels and chocolates and gummie treats at the check-out. "It's all either sugar-free or low-sugar" he says. "Sometimes a big smile is the best...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Taking advantage of a rare Sunday afternoon off work, a local creep grabbed a paperback Michael Crichton and headed on down to the Betoota Hotel for some one-on-one time with himself. Colin Denuto told The Advocate this afternoon that it's one of his favourite things to do - to go to the pub by himself...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With a new batch of potentially cool kids coming through the ranks in his year nine cohort, run-of-the-mill high school student, Haydon Comino (15) has relaunched himself back into the fray, with a vague story about losing his virginity to a girl who goes to another school in another town. The fact that the girl...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Whether it be on the topic of immigration, the economy or any other national issue, Bryce Nicols has an opinion on it. Taking his news from a wide variety of sources, the 41-year-old North Betoota diesel fitter quickly comes to an informed conclusion, which he promptly shares with his 117 Facebook friends. Highlights from this year...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Elderly Italian-Australian, Dominic Ambrosini (72) is completely fine with securing the country's borders from anymore immigrants, it has been confirmed. The retired barbershop owner from Betoota's recently gentrified East End has many reasons for his seemingly irrational xenophobia, most of which are which are a result of long-held prejudices that have followed him from his home country. "The...

8 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After news broke earlier today regarding the extent that the Central Intelligence Agency was surveilling ordinary people, a local man formerly chastised for taping up his webcam has now been vindicated. Activist agency WikiLeaks released a swathe of leaked documents this morning which detailed just how much control government spy agencies...

8 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact If you've run your hand under any restaurant, pub or club table around town and felt a small crop chewing gums stuck to the underside, chances are it was put there by Elliot 'Stagecoach' Cunningham. For the past 20 years, the Dolphins hooker has terrorised publicans and restaurateurs with his discarded bubble gum wrappers...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local grub has sought to improve his public image by posting a series of images of him posing with his cousin's best friend's newborn baby girl to his Instagram account. James Nerada was able to convince himself moments before asking to be handed the child that if he did share some candid pics of him with...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a 6:30 pm knock off, local man Nick Nelson (31) had only two schooeys at the Lord Betoota Hotel last night, before heading home. "I'd had a late lunch at work so wasn't thinking about dinner, got to the pub for a few throat charmers and all of a sudden I felt like I'd had ten of...

7 March, 2017. 17:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Taking the moral high-ground by throwing her chair in a creek, a local public relations account director has taken to standing at her North Betoota desk - putting her wellbeing first before comfort. The healthy choice has allowed Julianne Busbey to look down at those who still sit down and work like neanderthals, judging them silently...