Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A new report published by Australia’s peak weather, climate and water agency, the Bureau of Meteorology, has today revealed an unlikely new indicator of global warming. Chief Meteorologist Dane Virga announced to the media that they have been monitoring the activity of young goths and based off that, they’ve been able to conclusively prove that Global Warming is...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A Betoota Cotton Farmer has caused his family to roll their eyes in unison this morning after proudly looking at his breakfast and stating that his creation 'would cost you bloody $40 down in Sydney.' The breakfast in question is what Jim Macksville likes to call A Big Royale; bacon, poached eggs, roasted tomatoes, hash browns, avocado, fetta and...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact An outer Betoota Quarry man, Chayden Bell, has today lied through his teeth today while telling his new girlfriend’s father that he had never been in a bar fight. The lie in question came about after Krystal’s dad, Kyle, started grilling Chayden at the family’s dinner table in a bid to find out whether this Chayden was good...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Chiropractor has confirmed today that unfortunately almost everyone is suffering from scoliosis. Scoliosis is a sideways curvature of the spine, and in most cases the cause is unknown. The practitioner, who is notably not a doctor, and isn't really in fact a trained medical professional at all, explained to The Advocate this morning that it's scary how...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Luke Rathbone has confirmed this afternoon that he is ready to take his business to the next level. The 29-year-old pest-controller from Betoota Heights did so after revealing his new uniform and new logo to The Advocate this afternoon. "Not bad aye," Rathbone said to our reporters down at the Dogs Leg pub in the Heights a few moments...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local Betoota Ponds man who remembered Valentines Day for the first time in his 4-year relationship has burnt through all of his newly earned brownie points over the weekend. Michael Hawkins (29) was feeling pretty chuffed with himself for remembering the big day, and thought he might treat himself to a schooner or two over the weekend. That was...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Sitting back watching TV from his half-renovated living room, Jez Walker wonders if the teenage rock enthusiast in a Bunnings uniform talking about eaves and guttering really has much of an idea about home improvement at all. The rock enthusiast, or Decklan as his name tag suggests, is one of the many Bunnings employees who star in the home improvement giant’s commercials. In...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Last night Brittany Minkville and her housemates hosted a party for over 150 people at their 3-bedroom terrace in the French Quarter. The bottles, vomit and other debris make it look more like 3000 this morning. Reports from the scene indicate that Brit and her housemates are about to commence the clean-up process but can’t until their mate, Carl,...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact June Daily, and more so her husband Rodney, got a rude shock this afternoon upon opening their latest bill from Betoota Waterways. “Jesus Christ, Juney!” proclaimed Rodney. “Someone’s stealing our water, we’ve got a bill here for over $1000” It’s believed that June initially wasn’t sure how to let Rodney know that she was in fact the reason for the astronomical...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT What was meant to be a heart warming and lung destroying smoko between an inner circle of work colleagues turned to absolute shit as the manager joined the group, in a desperate attempt to socialise with the people who hate him. It is believed Site Manager Daly Wayne (44) is yet to gain the respect of his crew,...