Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact If it wasn’t the pungent perfume of alcohol oozing out of Simon Barron that gave away his post piss anxiety, it was the bowl of fruit and muesli he was preparing. Simon, a happy-go-lucky office man from Betoota Bay, usually isn’t one to care for the healthy option, but at the work this morning his...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact Hangovers bring out the worst in people at the best of times, but one Betoota woman has shocked even the most seasoned hangover handlers this morning. Brit Courtney (21) woke this morning with a headache that would kill a Shetland pony, but it wasn’t long before she found a slightly crook remedy to sort herself out. Without properly opening...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A local Yoga enthusiast has had her peaceful chakra disrupted this afternoon after remembering that she hadn’t got her boyfriend a souvenir from Bali. Giselle Smyth (26) told The Advocate that the panic shot through her like a lightning bolt. “I can’t believe I forgot to get him something” “Well, actually I kind of can. I was at such peace...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A local plumber has caused quite a stir on site this afternoon. The scene was caused by the tradesman named Jarred Wilson (32) actually digging his own sewer line. "Everyone was fucking shell-shocked," explained local chippy Dylan Keys. The incident occurred a short time ago when Wilson (short an apprentice 'who came down with something overnight') was...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle| CONTACT Local woman Samantha Jade had been mindlessly scrolling through her Facebook when she came across some worrying photos. The album titled ‘Best job in the world’ had been uploaded by Betoota High’s most notorious bully and rumoured psychopath, Jessica Gibson. Armed with a bag full of syringes, and clad in medical garments, these posts heavily suggest that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local woman Stacey Brice had been enjoying her day when she received a LinkedIn notification. Thinking someone had spied her profile, Stacey was mortified to find out that a former schoolmate had just been promoted to ‘Head Research Scientist at NASA.’ “Oh for Christ’s Sake”, says Stacey, spilling a half eaten 4 N Twenty pie on her shirt,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A rapidly ageing mid level marketing and sales rep for some generic company based in our town’s Old City District has had a little win today. The reserve grade Dolphins backrower named Korbin Sampson did so during his lunch break, when he treated himself to a fast food meal he didn’t have to lie to his colleagues and girlfriend about. Prone to...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The Positions Vacant sign has again been spotted on the fence of the Betoota Engineering and Instrumentation Pty Ltd; the second time this month. According to sources at the firm, Sales Manager Trevor Rotring’s habit of pronouncing specific as “pacific” is making it difficult to retain personnel and often leads to teeth-grinding and pen-snapping amongst the Sales Team...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local woman Gemma Bishop has again taken to her iPhone notes to pump out some passive-aggressive texts. The 25 year old Brisbanite had been feeling pretty pissed at her roommates lately, and rather than confronting them in person, has come up with some choice words to send them via Messenger. Though the main target of her attack is...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The life of a footy mum comes second in struggle only to the life of a cricket mum with the same hat often worn by one very tired and sunburnt woman. However, all multi-tasking mums know the glorious weekend that lies between the football and cricket seasons that gives them a chance to reflect on why they pushed their...