Local News

Spotify Yearly Wrap Up Reveals Local Woman Could Probably Expand Her Horizons A Bit

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT As the end of 2019 draws near it brings with it Spotify’s yearly wrap up of what its listeners have been streaming.  Like everyone who listens to music, local woman Jessie Griffiths likes to think she’s a bit of an expert and that her music taste is better than everyone else’s. But as her most played songs screenshot reveals,...

Reasonably Quiet Colleague’s Parkway Drive Shirt Provides Context To Random Array Of Bruises

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Local Sales and Marketing Brand Advisor Luke Pawsey is feeling a little under the weather today it can be confirmed. This comes after the sheepish, reasonably reserved local man rolled into work looking like he'd been jumped down a dark alley in London. "You alright Paws," asked his annoyingly upbeat boss who went hiking on the weekend, motioning...

Year 12 Pranksters Hit By Increasing Cost of Fuel

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As blame continues to be passed around for the comparative lack of newsworthy pranks pulled by the outgoing classes of 2019, some experts claim the root of the problem can be traced to fuel prices. American Comedy icon Jo Koy joins the editors on the podcast this week before he begins the Australian leg of his world tour. Have a...

Teacher Carrying On Like He’s Not About To Put His Trotters Up For Six Weeks

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT If you think your job is stressful, then according to Taylor Price you don’t even want to know how hard it is to control the K2 class at Betoota Heights Primary School. American Comedy icon Jo Koy joins the editors on the podcast this week before he begins the Australian leg of his world tour. Have a listen here: At...

Aspiring Prime Minister Receives His Mandatory Rhodes Scholarship Out Of A Cereal Box

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young Liberal has today received the glowing tick of approval he's dreamed about all his life. After a tough upbringing in the leafy suburb of Sydney, the young full-time Commerce/Law student has this morning woken up to the news that all of his hard work has paid off. Nearly 6 months into a day a week internship...

Office Christmas Party Great Chance To Meet Employees From Other Departments, Especially HR

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As the work Christmas party gets tantalisingly closer, millions of Australian workers are eagerly anticipating the chance to find out how many free beers and house wines they can consume before being escorted into the carpark of the local bistro. However, the work Christmas party can also be an excellent chance for some inter-company networking says Recruitment Advisor...

Squizzy Taylor Claims He Shared A Room At Oxford With Stephen Hawking

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In another blow for the embattled Energy Minister who doesn't believe in Climate Change, Angus 'Squizzy' Taylor has today been called out for another dodgy claim. Following in the footsteps of Melbourne underworld figure Joseph 'Squizzy' Taylor, Angus has added another chapter to his career that will later be played out on the screen like Squizzy's was in...

Function Waiter Silently Judges Woman Coming Back For Fourth Arancini Ball

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local function waiter, Jess Childs, has today revealed that she does, in fact, judge people for helping themselves to multiple rounds of finger food. Jess says that she was particularly perturbed by one recent incident, where a woman gorged herself silly on Arancini balls after having a few too many glasses of bubbly. “In my industry Arancini...

Cafe Phases Out Cups By Pouring Hot Coffee Directly Into Customers’ Mouths

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Tongues are literally wagging in the Betoota CBD this morning as trendy café Caff.Hey! implements a new environmentally-friendly zero-waste policy that eliminates the need for disposable cups and even ‘keep cups’. “It’s all about leaving the smallest possible environmental footprint” explained Caff.Hey owner, barista and part-time clerical assistant Terry Salt, 22. “We found that people who use keep...

Impulsive Servo Ice Cream Fails To Get A Mention In Local Woman’s New Fitness App

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local woman Jessie Harcourt has recently enlisted the help of a popular fitness and nutrition app to help track her eating habits. The self-confessed gym junkie had the app suggested to her by a friend after lamenting that a month's worth of Body Pump classes hadn’t resulted in a flat stomach. Now, just three days in, Jessie...

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