Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A small child spoke freely with The Advocate yesterday during a local wedding, saying he'd had enough and wanted to go home. Sam Allison (9) told our reporter, who was also present at the wedding, that he'd been up since the 'early morning' and was beginning to get fed up with the whole thing. "I'm so...

DEIDRE DOBSON | Travel | Contact A resident of the leafy, exclusive enclave of Betoota Grove has confirmed to his 700 Instagram followers that today is definitely a day for it. Will St Germaine (26), a French Quarter real estate agent, has amassed a strong following on the app thanks to his constant confirmations of whether it is or is not a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Try as the might, the Inter is bogged. Rather than face the ultimate humiliation and get Dad to come and help you, two local brothers attempted to save face today and get Big Red out of a bog by themselves - but both of them knew their efforts were futile. After a few scuds passed through...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Earlier today, a late model Nissan was spotted driving erratically down Peanut Street in Betoota Heights. Onlookers were concerned, the car was all over the road and many fellow motorists phoned through their concerns to police. However, upon catching up to the car, a local man was relieved to discover that a drunk wasn't behind the wheel. It was Harold St...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For over a year, Steele Fightmaster's favourite American flag button-up has hung in the corner of his walk-in wardrobe in Betoota Grove untouched. Arriving in the Desert Capital four years ago for work, the 34-year-old said that ever since 'you-know-what' happened in 2016, he's felt embarrassed about being outwardly American. Even though he works in oil exploration, has no qualms...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though most of his mate's down at the Cashew & Pogostick Inn in Betoota Heights would describe him as 'spirited', those who know him best just say he's an angry man. Nobody knows what Johan Prescott is angry about, they just know he is. The 61-year-old explained to The Advocate today that aside from all that,...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Deciding to cool off today at Betoota's lesser-known waterparks, the old Mansfield Quarry, Betoota Heights man, Jason Pane (32), experienced what can only be described as the most inconsiderate and sadistic act known to any beach loving Australian — shaking one’s towel near other beachgoers. The old Mansfield Quarry was opened to Betootanese people from...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A happy-go-lucky Betoota Grove roofer has broken his silence over the ongoing problems he's been experiencing with his girlfriend's cat. Miles Helm, who turned 28 just a few days ago, told our reporters that whenever he drops into Lucy Beetlecough's two-bedroom townhouse down in the French Quarter, her cat never seems enthused. Helm and Beetlecough have...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In what started out as a seemingly innocent bong session under his parent's humble Betoota Heights Queenslander, a local teenager's chop up has ended on a rather sad and pensive note. Still shook from hearing Immortal Technique's 2001 horrorcore rap ballad, 'Dance With The Devil', Stan Sandisk said he was at first shocked and horrified...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Do you ever feel like doing nothing? So do a lot of other people, according to a recent government study which has found that abandoning plans at the last minute to relax and do nothing is actually the best plan after all. One outspoken member of the local Do Nothing Club is Sascha Stevens, a civil...