Local News

Bloke named Sam can’t understand why local barista can’t spell his name right

28 February, 2017. 9:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It's enough to drive even the most blasé bloke up the wall and make him wonder if the person he's interacting with has rocks in their head. An intern at Betoota Base Hospital has been getting a large strong flat white every morning since getting the prize posting to the desert capital...

First-Year Uni Students Still Feverishly Taking Down Notes In Their Lectures

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite studying a wishy-washy journalism degree, a number of first-year students have tried to get their tertiary education experience off on the right foot by taking down comprehensive, colour-coded and detailed lecture notes in each lecture they attend. The same number of students also still haven't discovered that lecture attendance isn't compulsory for many of their first...

White Male Who Grew Up In Violent Foster Home Still Blind To His Privilege

26 February. 2017. 18:04 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Bouncing between foster homes until his 18th birthday, one local man once considered himself to be underprivileged. Never really knowing his parents but knowing the sound of a belt being taken off all too well, John Petersburg of South Betoota explained to The Advocate for all his shortcomings and internal crises, he still...

Conservative Woman Only Triggered By Vodka And A Good Time

25 February, 2017. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I'm here for a good time, not a long time," said Emile Davenport as she down the last of her vodka sunrise and raised her eyebrows at the barman for another. The 29-year-old mergers and acquisitions specialist joined the team at Bell Potter's Betoota office half way through last year and her bosses have...

Just Like Google: Sociopathic Millennial CEO Ups The Perks With $48 Ping Pong Table

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The employees of Betoota's third-fastest-growing mezzanine boutique marketing firms smile and give their boss a double thumbs up whenever they see him. Not because of his ability to steer the company from strength to strength, not because he smashes quarterly profit predictions and makes the investors happy. They love him because he made sure that one...

Cabinet Files: ASIO Approaches Local C.W.A Branch For Tips On How To Keep Secrets Secure

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The local chapter of the Australian Country Women's Association is being observed by several government agencies, it has today been confirmed. It is believed that the ATO, ASIO and The Australian Bureau Of Statistics have been keeping a close eye on the Betoota CWA branch, in an effort to learn better investigative skills and improve their practices of...

Well-Liked Teenager With Loving Parents Hasn’t Found A Reason To Hate Immigrants Yet

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A South Betoota teenager who has a healthy relationship with both her mum and dad has not yet found a reason to hate people, it has been confirmed. Despite facing all the same anxieties and pressures that most teenage girls face in senior school, Elyse Peters (17) has not yet had anything happen to her that...

Bored Kid In Pub Denied 2nd Glass Of Lemonade By Dad Who Just Put Away 5th Schooner

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT South Betoota man, Luke Morris (33) is very wary of his son's sugar intake. In fact, every time the family goes out for a feed at the local pub, he has to keep an eye on how many soft drinks the little fella is consuming - because he knows how much he loves the stuff! "That's enough, Lote"...

Farmer Suddenly Anti-Wind Power After Learning What Show-Pony Neighbour Got Paid For A Turbine

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Betoota farmer, Tony Braithwaite has been staunchly opposed to the rise of renewable energy in his local area, after learning what the fuckhead whose property neighbours his southern end is being paid to host two wind turbines. Chinese-whispers suggest Tony's neighbour, Johnson is being paid upwards of $110k, per turbine, per year in rent from a Government agency. "It's...

Cabbie Spends Twenty Minutes Intermittently Muttering To Someone On The Hands-Free

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local cabbie, Kerrod has been speaking to someone else for over twenty minutes now. "What did you say?" says passenger, Bridget, who was under the impression that Kerrod's muffled talking was directed at her. "No. Not you" says Kerrod, pointing to his bluetooth headset. Bridget returns to scrolling on her iPhone. Speaking to the Betoota Advocate shortly after he cross-city fare,...

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