Local News

Baby Boomer hoping war with North Korea might toughen the Millennials up a bit

11 April, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Speaking candidly to The Advocate this morning from the front verandah of his South Betoota Queenslander, local septuagenarian Keelan Butterick said that he welcomes a possible nuclear war with the Democratic People's Republic of Korea as he hopes it'll toughen the kids up a bit. Just like the war the Vietnam did for...

Privately-Educated-Upper-Middle-Class Man Unable To Identify Problem With Australian Rugby

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Commodore of the Betoota Sailing Club has revealed to friends this afternoon that he's not sure what's wrong with Australian rugby union, but it might have something to do with the 'grassroots' level. From the gunnel of his jibing 34ft ketch, Vred Lesbisk, Commodore Walter Crowlow explained how he felt there was something awry with the game...

Jeff From The Wiggles Falls Asleep Behind The Wheel Of Big Red Car

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The original 'Purple Wiggle' - also known as Jeff Fatt - is in a stable condition today after falling asleep behind the wheel of his brand new Range Rover Evoque during a Sunday morning coffee run. The incident took place in the affluent Sydney suburb of Mosman earlier today, as the red four-wheeled-drive vehicle ran off the road...

Best Man Knows Where The Line Is But Crosses It Anyway During Speech

9 April, 2017. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being asked repeatedly not to say anything too raucous, a South Betoota tiler has brought the house down at the Daroo Street Function Centre last night after roasting the groom and best friend with hilarious, but completely inappropriate anecdotes and stories. Sam Pietersen agreed to be John Millers' best man immediately, but...

Local Girl Locks New Fling In For Winter With Arguably Premature Couple Shot

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local woman, Anna Peters (27) has taken a huge gamble in uploading a captionless selfie with the new bloke she's been seeing, well before anyone knows if this is going to be a sure thing. The bloke in question, who is commonly known as 'Donger' to his close mates, says the Instagram post was a huge call from...

Local grazier suitably unimpressed with Melbourne during his first visit

6 April, 2017. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Thinking that he'd had enough to toil with since his last holiday over Christmas, Jennean Pallister though her husband Michael would enjoy a short 8-day retreat to Melbourne. However, Mrs Pallister was wrong. While Micheal is the devoted South Park fan in all of Lightning Ridge, he told The Advocate this afternoon that he'd...

Bloke forgot to close whatever website he was looking at before bed

6 April, 2017. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Rocking up ten minutes late to his first lecture, a Betoota TAFE student has totally embarrassed himself by opening his laptop, revealing that he forget to close a pornographic website he was looking at last night before bed. Khi Westmacott, 21, punked himself this morning during his horticulture theory class and scrambled...

Rollie Smoker Can’t Believe He’s Being Taxed The Same As Filthy Pre-Rolled Smokers

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Caught between a credit card and a hard place, a West Betootan road worker spent much of the afternoon fishing through his ashtray looking for something vaguely smokable - all the while wondering if he's above smoking dumpers. Today's announcement of an increase in taxes on both pre-rolled and roll-your-own cigarettes has made this decision...

Waiter shoves customer’s leftovers into mouth before reaching the kitchen

5 April, 2017. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the cost of living in leafy East Betoota continues to grow, some of the town's most vulnerable workers are beginning to feel the pinch. After signing an enterprise agreement with his employer, local waiter Jackson Stumpman said his regular hourly and penalty rates were replaced by a flat, above award rate. However,...

New Balance Sneakers Add Modern Flair To Indian Grandmother’s Traditional Saree

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Parramatta grandmother's bold choice of sports shoe footwear is contrasting wonderfully with her traditional Indian saree, it has been confirmed by her grandchildren this afternoon. While many of Indria Kumar's grandchildren are secretly amused by her decision to seek flexible arch support that provide greater balance and comfort in the shoe - the 88-year-old matriarch is yet...

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