Local News

Indian Cricket Board request another drop-in pitch from the back of Betoota

6 March, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an effort to maintain a level of consistency this Test series, the Indian Cricket Board (ICB) has made a formal request to the Diamantina Shire Council for another drop-in pitch from the back blocks of South West Betoota. Late last year, the controlling entity of Indian cricket purchased two pitches from...

Local sociopath pours disgusting dollop of milk into his tea each morning

6 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There is a man who works for a local IT business who is normal in every other way, save for the fact that he enjoys drinking his tea with milk. As his disgusted co-workers look on, Johnathon Tabernacle often leaves his desk around 11 each morning to fix himself a cuppa. For...

Dinner Plans With Girlfriend Looking Less Likely After Tray Of Rums Arrives

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Stepping out of his new office on Betoota's leafy Upper West Side, Connor Wales thought he'd be having a few easy schoons of his favourite local bitter while he caught up with mates over a bit of healthy conversation He even came straight from work with his laptop bag slung over his right shoulder, with all intention to...

Local dad harangues son for refusing to buy a house in this financial climate

3 March, 2017. 17:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Arriving from Malta in the years after World War II, Cenzo Farrugia quickly found work throwing shit into a skip by down by the current site of Sydney's Luna Park. Years passed and the former merchant sailor saved up enough money to finally get himself a slice of the local property market, buying in the...

The Big Fella Still Hasn’t Encountered A Big Brekkie He Couldn’t Put Away

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT When it comes to bragging, local bloke Lewis Gurr (26) has got a few different yarns he can trot out. For one, he was listed as in the possible and probables for the under 16's state Aussie rules side in 2006. That, and the fact that he once met Ryan Moloney (Toadie from Neighbours) at the Carindale Westfield Boost Juice...

Local Polo Player Comes Out To Teammates As A Publicly-Educated, Catholic, NRL Fan

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being inspired by countless publicly-educated, working-class and Catholic rugby union players, a local polo star has decided to own up to himself and his teammates by coming out to them in a touching ceremony at the Betoota Racecourse this afternoon. Calling a team meeting late last week, Connor Sampson asked for privacy and understand...

Bloke named Sam can’t understand why local barista can’t spell his name right

28 February, 2017. 9:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It's enough to drive even the most blasé bloke up the wall and make him wonder if the person he's interacting with has rocks in their head. An intern at Betoota Base Hospital has been getting a large strong flat white every morning since getting the prize posting to the desert capital...

First-Year Uni Students Still Feverishly Taking Down Notes In Their Lectures

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite studying a wishy-washy journalism degree, a number of first-year students have tried to get their tertiary education experience off on the right foot by taking down comprehensive, colour-coded and detailed lecture notes in each lecture they attend. The same number of students also still haven't discovered that lecture attendance isn't compulsory for many of their first...

White Male Who Grew Up In Violent Foster Home Still Blind To His Privilege

26 February. 2017. 18:04 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Bouncing between foster homes until his 18th birthday, one local man once considered himself to be underprivileged. Never really knowing his parents but knowing the sound of a belt being taken off all too well, John Petersburg of South Betoota explained to The Advocate for all his shortcomings and internal crises, he still...

Conservative Woman Only Triggered By Vodka And A Good Time

25 February, 2017. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I'm here for a good time, not a long time," said Emile Davenport as she down the last of her vodka sunrise and raised her eyebrows at the barman for another. The 29-year-old mergers and acquisitions specialist joined the team at Bell Potter's Betoota office half way through last year and her bosses have...

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