RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

An exhausted old workhorse by the name of Roger Wilson (67) has spent the morning deciding to work until he dies.

Not because he doesn’t want to retire – he desperately wants to – but because he can’t afford it. 

After reviewing his super balance in conjunction with the declining state of equities markets both globally and locally and the associated diminishing returns they pay out, the old codger realised he’ll need to protect his retirement nest egg by working for a good while longer yet. 

“I don’t really understand all this equity and super mumbo-jumbo, but apparently the market is depressed and there’s gunna be a prolonged economic downturn, so now is not the time to retire,” Wilson said.

Unfortunately for Wilson, at the age of 67 now is technically the exact time he should retire.

“I’ve got a good mate who’s cluey with all this investing stuff, and he reckons that withdrawing from declining investments is a terrible idea for seniors who have always planned to live off their retirement funds,” he lamented.

Wilson’s mate is correct. With some seniors living to be over 100, this puts them in the unenviable position of needing about a ba’gillion dollars in super and other income-producing investments to fund a 30 year retirement. It is a frightening game of prolonged financial attrition that can only be won if the market is up.

So Wilson can choose to throw caution to the wind and live out his dream of retiring at retirement age, but he must be prepared to eat rice and beans for the next 30 years as a low-income, stay-at-home povvo.

Or Wilson can choose the safe option and keep working until the bitter end. At least with a working income, old mate can keep a roof over his head and pay the eternally increasing costs of bills, fuel and every fucking thing else in this hyper state of whacked-out capitalism.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. Coming from a generation where men hide away from feelings of vulnerability, Wilson has managed to convince himself that this is a ‘good thing’. 

“If I keep working and salary sacrificing while the market is depressed, I’ll be picking up stocks at lower prices, which will be far more valuable down the track when I’m about to die.”


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