Local News

Man Jailed For Tricking Mate Into Having A Shot Of Black Sambuca

RACHAEL BURNT | Court Reporter | Contact A South Betoota man was sentenced to serve a maximum of 12 months behind bars today with a non-parole period of six months after being found guilty of inflicting grievous bodily harm upon a friend during a night out at the Betoota Golf Club earlier this year. Sam Frucor tricked a friend, who cannot...

Unwed Millennial Couple Buys Home After Finally Taking Joe Hockey’s Advice To Get Better Jobs

QUINTIN CARTWRIGHT | Local News | Contact Two former South Betoota bottom-feeders have kick-started their life by trading in their old low-paying jobs for high-paying ones. Sam Finsbury used to break construction material into manageable pieces before throwing it into a skip bin for a living and his partner Amy Miller shot birds at the airport. However, they've been able to buy their first...

Local woman reveals she wants to be taken back to Europe in touching Instagram tribute to continent

SALLY BETTS | Culture | Contact Returning to work this Monday at her boutique public relations firm, a local 24-year-old has taken to Instagram this morning to reveal that she wants to be taken back to Europe. Sarah Coleman spent upwards of three weeks basking in the European sunshine earlier this month and now after returning back to her old life...

Bob Katter stands in awe of new local solar panels

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "You mean to say they get the power from the sun?" he said. The Member for Kennedy asked his media advisor to quickly pull over after passing the Windorah Solar Farm earlier today so he could take a closer look. "Pull over," said Katter, tapping the driver on the shoulder. After saying nothing for twenty minutes, Bob...

Stumbling upon freshly-cleaned public toilet current highlight of local man’s weekend

GILBERT HESSE | Culture | Contact A local father of four has revealed to The Advocate this morning that coming across a freshly-cleaned public toilet has been the highlight of his otherwise dull weekend. Betoota Ponds man, Dennis Wilmott, regaled our reporters regarding his experience today at the Grey Range National Park public toilets - where he said the facilities were...

Man resigned to spending Friday night with his partner after group chat goes quiet

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact Stephen Donald has finally asked his girlfriend if she would like to go out for dinner, after exhausting all of his Friday night beer options today. After waiting for hours without a response from his friends, Donald bit the bullet and committed to a quiet Friday evening and a bite to eat. “I’m playing it...

Hip youth begging for cigarette in hotel smoking area wondering if local man can roll it for him as well

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent local smoker has come under fire today after refusing to roll a cigarette for a hip youth who hit him up for one in the smoking area of The Gelded Goana Hotel in Betoota's fabled Old City district. When asked by Thomas Brock if he could 'borrow' a cigarette, Sam Greenholm paused the conversation he was in...

Man fears his mother is being brainwashed by Minions memes after joining the Face Book

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A semi-retired local mother has taken to social media this morning in an attempt to stave off the boredom often associated with home life. Wendy Gondola, the owner-operator of popular French Quater hammock shop, Heroin Hammocks, has taken a shine to 'Minions' memes according to her son, Dylan. However, Dylan is beginning to think that signing his mother up to The...

Bride Demands Wedding Guests Have A Bit Of Fun In Lame As Fuck Photo Booth

ESSIE BURKE | Human Interest | CONTACT Lauryn Prince is a busy 20-something who enjoys subverting society's expectations about what young women should be and do on their wedding day. That's why the junior accountant from Betoota Heights has decided to do her nuptials her way and hire a photo booth for the big day. "A couple of my friends have had them with the funny props like moustaches and stuff," Ms Prince said. "But mine's...

Local fool discovers shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Curiosity got the better of prominent local fool, Glenn Bexley, this afternoon after he popped the top off his PERT 2-in-1 shampoo and had a taste. The marginally-employed real estate agent revealed to The Advocate that he always wondered what his shampoo would taste like, seeing as though it smells so delicious. "I had to find out," said the 38-year-old stay-at-home-son. "So I...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
75,647FollowersFollow

Breaking News