Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A picturesque wedding in the function room of The Betoota Flight Path District's Orthodox Church has been soured today, after a maid-of-honour actively tried to jeopardise the reception. The marriage of Gabe Kapiris and Lisa Comino was reportedly off to a great start, before the speeches began. The ceremony unfolded without a hitch, according to the photos shared through the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australians are cherish the opportunity to no longer think or care about US politics, it has been confirmed. Although the Trump Presidency was an exciting combination of popular culture and global politics for many of the usually disengaged Australian onlookers, the election of a democrat candidate has this week resulted in a state of zen for the millions of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing says allegations about two of his ministers, Christian Porter and Alan Tudge, having affairs were dealt with by his predecessor Malcolm Turnbull and predated a "bonk ban" being added to the ministerial standards. Mr Morrison says he takes the code of conduct "very seriously" and has maintained and upheld better standards ever since they...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT NSW Premier and huge Amy Schumer fan Gladys Berijiklian has finally decided this trainwreck of a year go and get effed. She's going on a road trip. Working hard for the people of NSW, Hot Mess Gladys burnt eight CDs of her perfect road trippin’ playlist to spin all the way to Byron Bay in her groovy new campervan. “It was...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A prominent political analyst currently smoking spliffs on a 2nd floor terrace house balcony in Betoota's French Quarter says this whole US election has just reminded him of how conservative even the left side of politics are in America. "Are you kidding me!?" says Calpurnia (33, video artist). "The orange man!?" "How did he get so many votes?!" While Calpurnia says he...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The ABC panelists covering the US Presidential Election are today rattled by the unprecedented result in Florida. At last count, President Trump looks 95% likely to retain the pivotal swing seat. This result goes against the polling predictions that had Joe Biden sitting at 3.5% ahead. These polling surveys don't appear to take into account the hundreds of thousands of Cuban-Americans...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A 28-year-old Australian bloke has today dismissed the seriousness of the 2020 Presidential Election, by declaring the result will have no effect on Australians. Kyal Mercurio, a pool installation professional from Betoota Heights, says any Australians that pretend to have any skin in the game are just hysterical snowflakes, because who gives a fuck about America, it's got nuffin...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a year of reprieve from the tragedy of trackside euthanasia in The Race That Stops The Nation, one of today's horses has unfortunately met its fate behind the tarp. 'Anthony Van Dyck' - one of the pre-race favourites of the Melbourne Cup, has been put down after sustaining an injury midway through the race. However, unlike years past,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Jockey Luke Nolen has met the end of his career behind the plastic tarp today. The former jockey of iconic horse Black Caviar dramatically came off his horse to avoid hitting the rail after winning race one of Melbourne Cup day. The news is bittersweet for Nolen's owners, who were looking forward to celebrating with him after he scored an...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Pubs and offices around the country are all set for the 2020 Melbourne Cup at Flemington racecourse today. Everywhere except Melbourne of course, where most people are opting to go to the park or the beach, after six months in lockdown. In Sydney, Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide and the other major centres that have been able to manage the pandemic, celebrations...