A prominent political analyst currently smoking spliffs on a 2nd floor terrace house balcony in Betoota’s French Quarter says this whole US election has just reminded him of how conservative even the left side of politics are in America.

“Are you kidding me!?” says Calpurnia (33, video artist).

“The orange man!?”

“How did he get so many votes?!”

While Calpurnia says he is relieved it looks like Joe Biden might become the President of the United States – it shouldn’t have to be this competitive.

“That means theres still like, 50 million Americans that are racist rapists”

“I knew this would happen. Bernie would have done so much better. He actually appeals to the working class”

What Calpurnia seems to be forgetting is that he said this exact thing about Bill Shorten and Jeremy Corbyn, before they became leaders of their respective parties and went on to lose two elections each, and subsequently resigned from their parties.

However, he can explain what went wrong with both the Australian and British left-wing candidates over their last decade.

“Well, I always said with Bill… He just wasn’t left enough. He was trying to hard to be like the Libs”

“And Jeremy, well, in hindsight he shouldn’t have been a holocaust denier”

“But yeah, Biden is totally establishment man. America wants someone who is going to go in there and actually change things.”

“Someone who doesn’t tow the party line. Someone that inspires big swathesof people to get out there and vote!”

“Someone totally different to Trump”



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