Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing says allegations about two of his ministers, Christian Porter and Alan Tudge, having affairs were dealt with by his predecessor Malcolm Turnbull and predated a “bonk ban” being added to the ministerial standards.

Mr Morrison says he takes the code of conduct “very seriously” and has maintained and upheld better standards ever since they learnt that it was inappropriate to utilise power imbalances to get their ends in, which was roughly around 2017.

“My ministers are in no doubt about what my expectations are of them, absolutely no doubt, about my expectations, and I expect them to be lived up to” he said.

The PM went on to highlight some improvements that could be made among his colleagues to end this culture of drunkenly rooting Liberal party subordinates.

“But, not to sound like a prude or nuthin, but haha…”

“But as a Christian…”

“Like, some of these staffers are getting round Parliament like they are going to a disco”

However, Morrison stopped short at solely blaming the scourge of sexual misconduct within his party on the promiscuous female staffers.

“and the same goes for the men as well, I might add.”

“I know for a fact that around the time Barnaby began to stray, he’d been getting around the office in figure hugging Canterbury footy shorts that really showed off his calves”

“I mean, adults are flawed, I get it”

“But all of this skin is only accelerating the making of bad decisions after a few Hahn Superdrys”

“Adultery wouldn’t be such a big issue if everyone dressed appropriately”

The ABC’s Four Corners program reported that as Prime Minister, Mr Turnbull had warned Mr Porter, in the weeks before he promoted him to Attorney-General, that his personal conduct could expose him to blackmail.

Mr Porter has denied the allegations that he was seen “cuddling and kissing” a female Liberal staffer in a Canberra bar while he was married, despite all of the colleagues, journalists and high-ranking military brass that were witnessing his behaviour. He is considering legal action against the broadcaster.


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