IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Deputy Prime Minister returned home yesterday to find a kangaroo swimming in his pool, which he was displeased about. "Get the hell out of my damn pool!" shouted Barnaby Joyce. "I'm calling the fucking cops." This is just the latest indignity that Mr Joyce has suffered, he tells The Advocate. Just last week, he had to fish...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter man has been sick for nearly a month and despite dozens of rapid antigen tests and a handful id PCR tests, all the results have come back negative for the Pangolin's Revenge. That sent a chill down Damien Huntley's spine because whatever he has, is way worse than his dance with the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A once-proud alumnus of the exclusive Lauriston Girls' School who's now settled in Melbourne's Fitzroy has explained to this masthead this afternoon that she'd vote for our first POC Prime Minister if he was more clear in his opinion of horse racing. It's an election issue according to India Knight because, for her, animal cruelty...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison is on the offensive today after Labor leader Anthony Albanese said he wanted to make wages increase in line with the record level of inflation seen currently. Speaking just a short time ago in Newcastle, Morrison told reporters that Albo wants labourers to drive the same car as their builder employees...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some lighter news, golden crumpets have been revealed to be the best base for our national spread. The Australian Institution of Food Science and Technology (AIFST)  is said to have conducted a nationwide survey and received thousands of results, ranging from humble white bread to stranger combinations, such as the sweet and savoury combo of arrowroot biscuits. Chatting to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The ABC is making a last-ditch effort today to lure Prime Minister Scott Morrison through the door by setting up a "Shire Dad" trap in their Sydney Studios. Complete with a Cronulla Sharks themed beer pong table and a cube of full-strength Coca Cola, the trap set by senior producers is just the latest in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A middle-manager at a French Quarter architecture office has welcomed the recent return to the office after two years of white-anting, gas-lighting and outright victimising her colleagues from home. Speaking to The Advocate from the shared kitchenette on level six of the Desert Rock FM building, Denise Fraser told our reporter that she's been making...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison has come to the rescue of our nation's clumsy elderly today by earmarking a further $4bn for hip surgeries over the next decade. In the Democratic People's Republic of West Australia today, Mr Morrison made the announcement from an operating theatre in Perth where doctors were putting a new hip joint...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The South Australian Parliament is in turmoil at the moment as some public servant from Kangaroo Island got pinged for having a farm, or something, that benefited from some public project or yada yada yada par for the course if you're in the public service and because of that, some people in Adelaide are...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Ponds local has today been praised for finally using Instagram’s close friends feature the right way, by posting something that only close friends should ever witness. With millions using the feature to post boring shit, such as the odd political meme or mildly entertaining rehash of a strange encounter with a stranger, it’s refreshing to see someone...