EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A Betoota Ponds local has today been praised for finally using Instagram’s close friends feature the right way, by posting something that only close friends should ever witness.

With millions using the feature to post boring shit, such as the odd political meme or mildly entertaining rehash of a strange encounter with a stranger, it’s refreshing to see someone actually upload something that could get them in serious shit if it was made public – and that’s exactly what the absolute legend and local government worker Ben Bailey has done this afternoon.

It’s alleged he’d bought himself some ‘baking goods’ from the local convenience store, which he’d enjoyed inhaling with his greatest purchase yet –  the ‘Nanginator 3000’ i.e. an absolute goliath whipped cream dispenser.

Posting evidence of his brain damage online, Ben’s story was met with several enthusiastic responses from his equally dero mates, who were all quite impressed with his setup.

Chatting to a couple of the story viewers, The Advocate learns that many people are sick and tired of boring close friend stories and that Ben’s nang cereal has inspired them to post their shenanigans online too.

“It was fucking hilarious, that’s what close friends is all about”, says his mate Josh.

“Illegal activities and being a fucking sesh lord.”

Showing our reporter an image of him racking up a fat line, Josh says he plans on letting the world know who he really is.

“We’re starting a movement.”

“It’s the age of debauchery, and I am the king.”

More to come.


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