LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
“Eh heh heh, so the roo’s got his arm stuck up round the strap and -eh he! – it looked properly like he was holding this bloody rifle and he’s hopping around firing off a few shots – Bang! Bang! Hahahahaha! – off his noggin obviously because he doesn’t know what the bloody hell is happening…”
Betoota grandfather of 12 Erich Chortler (82) is a certified storyteller.
Having long retired from work and procreation, Chortler now treats his life like the warming sunset it is, drinking schooners, playing lawn bowls and having a good old yarn every single day.
One group of people Erich loves to yarn with are his 12 grandchildren who certainly learn a thing or two every time their grandpa decides to share a quick 40 minute story with them.
“So your great uncle Graham, Bum we used to call him, he goes to shoot the rampaging roo so I jump in front of his gun, stick my finger in the barrel like this and say ‘BUM! If you shoot the roo you’re gonna have to shoot me too!’ But while we weren’t looking, the roo had hopped, skipped and shot his way into the local milk bar where the old Chinese gold panner behind the counter liked to keep a few auto handguns on the sly…”
According to his eldest grandchild Deandra Chortler-Murray (32), a big detail that sticks out is how fucked things with guns used to be before John Howard put a bulletproof vest on and said ‘gimme’.
While not all of her grandfather’s stories involve pre-buyback era automatic firearms, Deandra states she’d rather hear these types of old-timey stories rather than the ones about how her grandfather met her grandma at an under 18s disco he was attending as a police chaperone.
“I kid you not, before the shop owner can even get a shot away, the roo has spun around and put one right in the meat and two veg! Now I didn’t see this next bit cause your old pa was too busy laughing down on the old dirt road but damned if the bleeding old gold panner doesn’t come up with an auto in either hand and turn skippy into a block of swiss cheese!”
“And I swear to you, the old fella goes over and takes the roos goolies for a trophy and not a word of a lie, he has the doctor sew them onto his jacksy to replace the crown jewels the roo shot off! And that’s how good ol’ Skippy Nuts got his name!”
