Scott Morrison Offers To Cup Xi Jinping’s Balls After China’s Threat To Boycott Coal
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In an incredible turn of events, our Prime Minister has made a sensational offer to get back in China's good books.
Speaking this afternoon, Scott Morrison formally apologised to the Chinese government for winding them up, in a backflip of Mike Baird proportions, before extending a very personal and olive branch.
His offer to Chinese President Xi Jinping...
Landlord Forced To Fix The Mould Issues Now Investment Property Has To Compete For Tenants
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A red-faced goon who owns a number of properties in Betoota Heights has been forced to fix one of them up today after finding out the hard way that it's a renters market right now.
Graham Pooley's three-bedroom weatherboard home on Green Road has some severe rising damp and mould issues that he's been able...
Restaurant Manager Almost Has Pity For Naive Derro Asking For A Table Without Reservation
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A very nice man walked into one of our town's most popular restaurants for well-healed young people last night and asked for a table for two.
Peter Grinley was out on a stroll with a friend and decided Kong Krete Greek Asian was as good a place as any they'd walked past.
The French Quarter institution...
PM To Kick Start Economy By Destroying Water Table And Exporting The Byproduct
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Leaked government documents suggest a plan for massive gas subsidies, public investment and the destruction of our ancient water table in order to get the struggling economy back on track.
The first section of the document outlines that the byproduct of destroying the water table, natural gas, is a valuable commodity on the global market....
Younger Cousin From The Goldie Has Become One Of Those Chicks, Confirms Instagram
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After not catching up with the extended family on the Gold Coast for two Christmases, it seems one of the younger cousins has somehow been given the okay to begin a rapid transformation into one of those chicks.
While she was always a bit of a diva, it never seemed like the middle child Klaudia would be the...
Australia’s Ambassador To China Warns Country Might Boycott The Baoding Billycart
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Baoding Billycart, known as the Great Wall Steed to the layperson, might be the next innocent victim in Australia's ongoing 'cold trade war' with China as the nation's ambassador to Beijing said Australians wouldn't be taking these new sanctions lying down.
Each year, Australians buy thousands of Great Wall Steeds and many more have...
Nation’s Ag Ministers Compete To See Who Can Look The Most Like They Design Chairs For IKEA
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Agriculture Minister David Littleproud has revealed today that he's been locked in a competition with his Labor counterpart, Joel Fitzgibbon, for nearly a year now over who can look the most like they design chairs for IKEA.
At the moment, David Littleproud admits that Joel has it by a whisker - and he hopes a...
South African Can’t Handle Banter
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In a surprisingly rare social scenario that is definitely not common, a local South African ex-pat has today shown that he is unable to take a slight ribbing.
Sebastian Stransky, a 25-year-old saffa who resides in the deep suburban abyss of Betoota Downs, has today cracked the shits over what most of his mates would describe as barely...
Dad Just Wants To Make It Clear Daryl Had A Lot More Songs Than The One You Play At The 21sts
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
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Local dad Jett Muller (73) has today
had enough with his son acting like he knows what real Aussie rock is.
After learning that his son and his
mates can all recite every single lyric to Daryl Braithwaite’s The Horses, the
semi-retired real estate agent is beginning to worry that they are under the
impression that that is all...
WA Premier McGowan Claims Rock Formation Behind Him In Morning Presser Was Coincidental
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Premier of The West has denied links to the state's many paramilitary separatist movements today after appearing at his usual morning presser in front of what's being labelled as an 'inflammatory rock formation'
Mark McGowan held a presser this morning in Bunbury, to the south of Perth, which is also the home of the...
