The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Adelaide is the new epicentre of the nation's boomer remover outbreak as seventeen new cases of the spicy cough are recorded across South Australia overnight. Contact tracers and authorities are scrambling to gain control over the outbreak, which Federal Health Minister Beige Hunt labelled 'concerning'. The outbreak source is reportedly from Melbourne, who played the reverse...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A relatively worldly Darling Downs man has today employed a secret technique used by those who don't know how to pick things up with chopsticks. Nick Gleeson (31) is very well aware that these eating utensils have been used in virtually all of East Asia for over 6000 years, but he just can't get it right. "From my understanding, the chopsticks were first...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A damning report into the local hospitality industry has outlined a number of shocking shortcomings - including the fact that nobody knows why each licensed premises in the wider Betoota area has a small television playing extreme sports clips on repeat. Peter Godwin, from the Office of Alcohol and Gaming, handed down his findings today to the local shire...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local grandson has been distraught to learn that the blue tub in his nonna's freezer is actually just rock-frozen tomato sauce, not the neapolitan ice cream he was expecting. After being given free licence on his maternal grandmother's fridge, the 7-year-old went straight to the freezer to sauce for frozen treats that nonna sometimes buys after seeing...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT For ex-Prime Ministers of Australia, job opportunities are as plentiful as they are rewarding with many choosing to be a foreign diplomat or full time rich person. With this logic in mind, it is difficult to understand why former PM Kevin Rudd was spotted fraternising with Melbourne Sudanse gangs according to Sky News commentator Andrew Bolt. Bolt claims to have...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact As NSW Premier, Gladys Berejiklian continues a proud tradition upheld by almost every single NSW Premier in the past 30 years; being investigated by ICAC.  Now, as the investigation into her dealings with disgraced former MP Daryl Maguire continues, a potential replacement for the role of NSW Premier has emerged in the form of disgraced former Auburn Deputy Mayor, Salim...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact As the ongoing ICAC investigation into Gladys Berejiklian has not yet resulted in a dismissal or hasty resignation as is traditional for the role of NSW Premier, even those in her own faction are concerned that she may now consider herself infallible.  “It’s all gone to her head” said an MP who wished to remain anonymous. “She’s just...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australians should be allowed free passage between states in time for Christmas, the PM announced this afternoon. Everywhere except Western Australia. The state's defacto leader, Mark McGowan, told today's National Cabinet meeting to eat a bag of dicks because Western Australia isn't opening. The move comes as Victoria records 14-days straight without a local transmission of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Not to take away from their very honourable sacrifices over the last few months, but several friends from Melbourne are once again carrying on in the park again. That's according to several Instagram stories that show fully grown adults lying down on the grass like school kids - as they intermittently take their face masks off for each sip...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Bloke Scotty Morrison said in Parliament yesterday that women still having a whinge about the price of tampons and pads should look into the practice of free-bleeding. He explained that when you actually think about it, tampons are a luxury item because they're not actually needed. "Mr Speaker, on the opposite side of this...