ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Adelaide is the new epicentre of the nation’s boomer remover outbreak as seventeen new cases of the spicy cough are recorded across South Australia overnight.

Contact tracers and authorities are scrambling to gain control over the outbreak, which Federal Health Minister Beige Hunt labelled ‘concerning’.

The outbreak source is reportedly from Melbourne, who played the reverse card on the Pangolin’s Revenge last month, sending it back to the state that was doing so well against it.

“Remember a few weeks ago when the South Australian dude, forgot his name, but he said nobody wanted to come to Victoria?” said Dan Andrews this morning from outside his favourite cafe in inner Melbourne.

“Well, that free-settling, rounded-vowel speaking dickhead can suck eggs today. He can suck those eggs,”

“Fuck it, does anybody want a pot of stout? I’m getting a pot of stout to wash this crossaint down. I can do that because I’m the Premier of Melbourne and Victoria.”

Travel across the border from Betoota has been restricted this morning. The Birdsville Track expressway has been closed again to all non-commerical traffic.

More to come.


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