Sports

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man has today received the shock of his life, after waking up in a strange world many years from now. Speaking from a weird dystopian parallel universe one of our reporter's cousin's found on YouTube, Brett Harburgh says he's not really sure what's going on. "Man, I just woke up in the strange world this morning,"...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A life member of the Brisbane Broncos is doing the unthinkable this evening as he begins to contemplate a switch to the bright side. Attempting to hide his identity by wearing a full length Driza-bone on a balmy Brisbane night, The Advocate understands local Enoggera man, Terry Kilroy, has decided to use the cover of darkness to...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Eyebrows have been raised in the city of Newcastle today, as the local port authority welcomes its first ever delivery of an alternative fuel source. The Advocate understands that at 8:52am this morning horns were honked across the Newcastle harbour, as locals gathered together wave in a 100,000 ton container ship transporting Jim Beam & Cola. Famous for...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Pre-match fanfare is well underway as undefeated Aussie boxing superstar Tim Tszyu returns to the ring to take on USA’s former world champion Tony Harrison for an Interim WBO Super Welterweight. However, it seems that this week's media events have resulted in some exceptionally low blows between the fighters. As part of the build up to Sunday’s WBO championship bout...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Queensland dad, who isn't really that into footy, has spent the last 12 hours in contemplated silence - after finally getting a good insight into how Wayne Bennett operates. Fraser Coorey (58) says that outside of the State Of Origin, he only really watches footy when it's playing at the pub. But that doesn't mean he's not highly invested...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT The set builders at FoxSports are being applauded this week for their work in crafting a fully functioning guillotine. With head coach redundancy drums already beating loudly at multiple NRL clubs including the Dragons, Knights and the Titans, The Advocate understands a team of carpenters, engineers and set designers at FoxSports were told that during the off-season,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The NRL's newest expansion side, The Dolphins have silenced all of their smart arse critics overnight, by pumping the premiership favourites the Roosters in their first ever match. However, this wasn't the only record broken last night, as coach Wayne Bennett struggled to contain his excitement. The Dolphins steamrolled the Bondi Boy 28-18 in front of 32,177 fans at Suncorp...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact In some sad news for Aussie F1 fans, McLaren driver Oscar Piastri has today been unable to finish the season-opening Bahrain Grand Prix, due to his car failing to restart after the steering wheel was replaced with an old, duct taped bootlegged one. This marks Piastri's debut as a Formula 1 driver, which comes after a slew of drama...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Bosses at the National Rugby League are today contemplating the state of their league, after an interesting first round of matches. Namely, questions have been raised about the NRL's ability to sustain 17 professional teams after the Sydney Roosters turned out for an embarrassing performance yesterday afternoon. Facing up against the might Dolphins, the east Sydney club offered...

JASON BARRY | Victorian Leg Tennis | Contact Rumour has it that Geelong’s dual-premiership winning coach Chris Scott has offered to secretly swap roles with Essendon’s new coach - his brother Brad - if Brad proves unable to get the Bombers an early win this year. The offer bodes well for the Bombers given that Chris Scott holds the highest winning percentage of all AFL...