Sports

CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| Contact An undisclosed AFL team is out searching for a new head legal counsel after the previous hire into the position quit within seconds of reading the shared group chat.  Clarke Croyden, a 39 year old Lawyer and family man stepped down from his new found job after what he described as "some very concerning shit." His comments come...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from the Thai city of Chiang Mai today, it has been confirmed that a local tourist attraction has more life in it than an entire NRL club. A local veterinary expert has confirmed to The Advocate that a tiger drugged within an inch of its life has more bite in it that 17 professional...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man is coming up for air, it can be confirmed this afternoon. Michael Lane a young lawyer from our town's aspirational Betoota Heights district has finally clicked his phone off and taken a long deep breath. This comes after the man spent the hours between 9am and 2:30pm with his eyes flicking from his computer screen...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A former great of the game of Rugby League has this weekend made a shocking revelation. Speaking during one of the Round 7 games over the last few days, Stephen 'Brick' McKay revealed to TV viewers that one of the players, was in fact a footy player. "He's a footy player this kid," said Brick after one of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA tennis commentator at the Monte Carlos Masters has today exclusively revealed to The Advocate that he wishes Stefanos Tsitsipas was still nursing the shoulder injury he incurred trying to roll a boulder up a hill, because his name is pretty much impossible to say with a lisp. The commentator, who wishes to remain anonymous, told our reporter that...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT South Australian Premier Peter Malinauskas has today welcomed a large group of interstate tourists to his home city. With Gather Round just hours away from kick off at the Adelaide Oval, the man in charge of Southern Australia is doing his best to make sure all the visitors are being looked after. The copy of the NRL's Magic...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Penrith Panthers have once again been accused of 'lacking class' by the ultimate authority on what is and isn't classy. NewsCorp rugby league expert and culturally anxious ageing white man, Paul Kent kicked off again at what he perceives to be poor conduct by the reigning NRL premiers. The current drama dates back to 2022's “weak-gutted dog” drama...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A helpless Bachelor is attempting to fill his calendar tonight as he looks for a way to spice up his year. After spending the last six months suffering an unfortunate dry spell, which has included several ghostings from potential Bumble suitors, local Drummond Golf retail assistant Curt Trainor (31) has decided he’s going to book himself...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some startling news that shows just how dangerous modern technology can be, an up and coming NRL player has become one of the first victims of the AI art trend, shortly after the world was tricked by the fashionable pope series. Sydney NRL player Tim Bargearse tells The Advocate that he was shocked and appalled to discover...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT TV experts and armchair critics have confirmed that the weekend’s F1 should make for some interesting viewing.  Playing out in front of a record crowd at Albert Park, the Melbourne Grand Prix was chock a block full of drama, with multiple crashes causing the race to finish under a safety car.  That resulted in Max Verstappen, a local fan favourite...