A local Chinese culinary institution has appropriately read the room and let their Millennial customers know it might be a good idea if they give the fortune cookies a miss.

Known for only ever being consumed at the conclusion of Chinese meal, succulent or otherwise, fortune cookies are also noted for their hard, crisp texture and little paper sheet containing culturally cryptic predictions of hope or despair.

While a fun little fling for many diners, the younger generations in Australia don’t really need a piss-proverbial suggestion that the future is grim, nor do they need a serving of decadent, pointless hope.

It is for that reason that staff at Betoota Gardens Chinese told a table of Millennials that it might be a good shout to forgo the fortune cookies and just live in the now.

“No, you don’t want them,” explained matradee Mrs Ng, who does not want to be held responsible for any young person thinking things will work out fine.

“I’ll bring you some fried ice cream instead.”

Also at the restaurant was local land barron Humphrey Leech (68) who commented that maybe the young people could afford a house if they didn’t eat out at restaurants, the very thing he was also doing.

“The difference is I already own my house,” stated Leech, who just spent the equivalent of his first housing deposit on his dinner and drinks.

“I own a few of their houses as well. I can afford to eat out because of the rent they paid me while they can’t afford it because they need to save for their own house which they can’t because they keep going out for expensive dinners and paying. Get it?”

Satisfied that he had thoroughly taken our reporting team to big school, Leech then opened up his fortune cookie which accurately read ‘You are a deadset shitcunt’. 



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