Local News

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactFeeling overwhelmed? I hear you. It feels like it’s impossible to get ahead right now, doesn’t it? As Australia’s leading finance guru on intergenerational wealth, land lording and corporate espionage, I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. A lot of Betootians are feeling burnt-out. The cost of living crisis has affected us all, especially those in the top...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The Australian insurance industry has reacted with excitement to news yesterday that the world’s auto manufacturers have agreed to make cars practically unstealable by removing those two wires under the dash. The changes, to be rolled out immediately, are expected to ensure that from mid-2025, no new car will include the “hot wires”.  The troublesome feature, accurately depicted in over...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTAs the world continues to lose its collective mind at the capabilities of AI and its ability to act as predictive technology, one takeaway joint in downtown Betoota has proven there’s still nothing wrong with leveraging some good old fashioned instinct. Famous for it’s delicious array of bain-marie curries and samosas, Indian takeaway joint ‘Tandoori Palace’ has...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from the world of style and culture, a new study has confirmed an interesting trend in the world of fashion.  Commissioned by the Fashion Retail Entertainment Style High Design Research Investigative Programme (FRESHDRIP), the report found that ironic, retro looking merch is now high fashion.  “It’s couture darling,” said FRESHDRIP Spokesperson Coco Bardot, referencing the fancy...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local Central Business District watering hole has been the scene of an uncomfortable situation. Known as the Friday arvo haunt for Betoota's lawyers and finance people, The Dry Cleaners was this evening forced to deal with a rather unsavoury patron. Enjoy a run of the mill Friday afternoon in our town's thriving city hub, security were put...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTAn Irish expat living in Coogee Country has been condemned this morning for treating his tram carriage like it’s his personal call centre. On route to his job in the city as a HR manager, Cork born man Sean O’Leary (32) has been accused of using the entire 40 minute commute to treat fellow passengers to a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local mum has decided life is too short today after going right ahead and finishing her husband’s story for him after he trailed off to a fourth tangent. Usually able to tune out her husband’s stories, mum Vicky Kernegree took issue with how long her husband Billy was taking to tell their visiting children a relatively innocuous and...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAccording to a meme your toxic uncle shared, tough times breed tough men such as shopper Andrew Huston who has turned to a life of mild crime in order to get by. Specifically, Huston has become one of the many supermarket shoppers who attempt to make Coles and Woolies pay for replacing checkout staff with robots by stealthing a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Government is today considering one of the biggest bombshells in the nation's history. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and his team are reportedly mulling over whether they shouldn't just give a giant multination firm who has been completely fucking them over - $250 million worth of contracts. The shocking move to not simply give a quarter of...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Third year carpentry apprentice Talumn Chadley (19) has made it clear he is showing up to his backup career by wearing training shorts to work. Currently doing a bit of backline work in the extended reserve grade Under 19s squad of the Betoota Dolphins, Chadley started his apprenticeship because anything pays better than reserve grade bush footy. According to Chadley,...