Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights woman has today come to the conclusion many lash extension lovers come to eventually, which is that they only really ever look good for the first couple of days before going to complete and utter shit. Billie Rhodes tells The Advocate she’d been committed to going to her lash lady on a fortnightly basis for...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke who’s rich enough to have a crippling cocaine addiction has obviously never sat on a verandah and watched a thunderstorm, if that’s what spikes his serotonin levels, it’s reported. According to a study conducted that looked into the most natural forms of serotonin, conducted Betoota Polytechnic University, sitting on a porch during a thunderstorm severely outranked exercise...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA Brisbane man is praising the wonders of Facebook today for sending him a timely reminder that he needs to take a slasher through his friends list.Whilst waiting to pick up a strong cappuccino from a cafe on Queen Street, former Betoota man Scott Tinto (27) was pinged by a notification from Facebook alerting him that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman has found herself pushing through some feminist guilt this afternoon, after a particularly gnarly HIIT class saw her taking the easier option of knees on the ground push ups, also known as ‘girlie push ups.’ Despite having always referred to this kind of modified push up as the ‘girl version’, seeing as the average woman tends...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAubrey Hobbs has helpfully warned her friend in advance that she simply must analyse and discuss a situation for the 20th time, to see if there’s any possible way to scrape out just the teeniest tiniest more explanation, it’s reported. Sitting down with her best friend Laura last night, the topic of conversation went from a rather serious and...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact A revelation has occurred in a Betoota Heights shopping centre this morning, one that could solve the cost of living crisis once and for all. In the massive shopping centre structure, if a consumer walks up the northern escalators and into quadrant G4 on the map, they’ll find themselves entering the centre’s key anchor tenant, Skinners. Betoota’s very...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some news that proves the government is actually listening to the cries of burnt out students across the nation, it’s now believed 1000 hours of crying yourself to sleep will now be recognised as part of the mandatory work placement. This is fantastic news for anyone who is studying anything related to medicine, social services, and education, and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA French Quarter bloke has found himself copping one hell of an icy stare this morning, after trying to make his girlfriend feel better by responding ‘it’s not the end of the world’, to her frustrations, it’s reported. Harry Thorncutt is alleged to have been listening to Tamara have a mini melt down over an incident at work...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local girlfriend is today counting her lucky stars after being reminded about just how lucky she is.  Bridget Blicavs from our aspirational project home suburb of Betoota Heights said she still can’t believe she’s found the one.  Nearly 4 years into what she says is the relationship of a lifetime, Bridget confirmed her boyfie Tom has gone and done...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactA future millionaire has today spent the morning delightfully imagining what compound interest would do for his investment portfolio had he started to invest 30 years ago. Rick O’Shea (34), a white collar professional who archaically still works from an office - which is a building used as a place where professionals congregate to work towards common corporate goals...