Local News

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTIn breaking news from Betoota’s dating scene, it’s believed local events manager Olivia Sanders might have found herself a new bloke.The Advocate understands that group chats were firing across the Diamantina last night, as the rumour mill hit overdrive due to a long winded photodump posted by the popular girl who’s had a turbulent string of...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAn independent report from the Betoota based James Cook Academy of Design (no relation) has determined that if a student submitted the logo of American baseball team the New York Yankees they would probably get a B- at best. Possibly the most iconic logo of any sports team the world over, the Yankees logo features the letters N and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactProving that women have a penchant for finding the weirdest things ‘cute’, local woman Nessa Fowley has found herself letting out an ‘awww’ after seeing her boyfriend’s boot covers for the first time - or his ‘little bootie hats’ as she now likes to call them. Despite it being fucking freezing, Nessa’s new beau Pat had been more...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A moderately unpopular local man named Arlo Hilton has revealed to The Advocate the wave of relief that has rolled over him today. The commercial real estate agent from our Betoota Heights district explained that he can't wait to have some financial relief from the government. "It's good to know the Labor Party is looking after battlers like...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local PR professional has begun planning out a delicious week this morning, after being inspired by a trending list of autumn desserts. Having spent her morning clearing out her inbox and logging onto a few Zoom meetings, where she gladly just sat on mute and nodded every few minutes, media consultant Jodie Peters (31) decided she’d...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA self confessed neat freak last night had the absolute shock of her life, which she says was ‘worse than the time her A1 sized NSYNC poster fell down in the middle of the night.’ Still visibly shaken from the incident, Melissa Riviera told The Advocate that she’d been on the verge of having a panic attack after...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA literally breathtaking scientific report by British American Tobacco has once again confirmed that pumping your lungs full of tar is not as bad as you thought so garn and sit down and have a dart (executive summary).Most brilliantly of all, the report has found that cigarette smoking on the Indonesian island of Bali officially does not do...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has yet again found herself embarking on her yearly horndog ritual of watching Sam Rockwell’s dance scene in Charlie’s Angels, which she touts as both her sexual awakening and ‘the sexiest villain reveal of the 21st century.’ Clara Joyce tells The Advocate that she’d been only twelve years old when Charlie’s Angels had aired, but...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman has this week fallen victim to every gym junkie’s nightmare, by getting sick enough to require a few days off the weights. Rhea Wagner is said to have found solace in the gym after breaking up with her long term partner, resulting in a slightly unhealthy addiction to counting her macros and pumping weights on a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactMuch like those stories about mothers being able to miraculously lift up cars off their trapped children, local woman Elena Hanneman has proven that she too, is capable of superhuman strength, but only when she’s physically unaware it’s happening, it’s reported. Her boyfriend Zane admits that he’d always considered Elena to be quite weak in the muscle department,...