EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A bloke who’s rich enough to have a crippling cocaine addiction has obviously never sat on a verandah and watched a thunderstorm, if that’s what spikes his serotonin levels, it’s reported.

According to a study conducted that looked into the most natural forms of serotonin, conducted Betoota Polytechnic University, sitting on a porch during a thunderstorm severely outranked exercise and sunshine, sex, and love – and now it appears to make synthetic serotonin uptakers such as MDMA and cocaine, pale in comparison.

Though French Quarter man Matt Gorgon [28] finds himself splashing out at least $500 a week to keep his addiction afloat, he would actually be a lot better off in the long run if he invested that movie in a stunning Queenslander.

‘Obviously the sound of rain is very comforting to people”, explained lead researcher, Leslie Phong, “which we believe stems from the sounds heard in the womb.”

“When combined with a wrap-around verandah and views of some rolling hills, it reaches an almost orgasmic level.”

“Wrapping yourself in a blanket, with a hot cup of tea.”

“And if you’re lucky enough to also have a tin roof, it’s on par with injecting heroin for the first time.”

More to come.


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