LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A local mum has decided life is too short today after going right ahead and finishing her husband’s story for him after he trailed off to a fourth tangent.
Usually able to tune out her husband’s stories, mum Vicky Kernegree took issue with how long her husband Billy was taking to tell their visiting children a relatively innocuous and uneventful story about finding a parking spot in town.
Having been there when the alleged story took place, Kernegree was able to identify exactly when and where her husband was going off track and adding information that was not vital to the story or the general world of knowledge worth retaining.
“So we’ve been circling for 15 minutes looking for a park,” Billy told his adult children, mother Vicky accompanying the story with a comforting yet ultimately false smile.
“15 minutes is a long time but because we converted to LPG two years ago, maybe three, we actually get a lot better distance driving lower speeds which surprised me at first because I don’t know if you remember but I did a little experiment to test it-no, actually sorry it was two years ago we got the car converted, I was getting confused with the bumper replacement.”
“Anyway, where was I?”
“Yes so 15 minutes looking for a park so I can get a banh mi and I’m thinking it might have been easier if I walked because I don’t know if I told you but I’m getting back into walking now which is why I’ve got these cool new sandshoes with velcro which I’m absolutely loving because they’re so easy to slip on if I need to take Devil out for a wizz in the evening because the old ones took so long to lace up Devy would end up weeing on the doormat half the time…”
“So now it’s 16 minutes and I still can’t find a park…”
Although Vicky had taught her children to never interrupt, by the time Billy had gone on his fourth tangent which involved the overtime pay specifics of his old workplace, she made the choice to butt in and give the story a speedy finish.
“What happened next is dad got a spot outside of the bakery but they were closed because of a Buddist holiday,” stated Vicky with an ‘authorisedbytheaustraliangovernmentcanberra’ speed to her speech.
After a lukewarm reception from their kids at the hastily finished story, witnesses state Billy turned to the mother of his children with a silent look of betrayal before hastily buggering off to put the kettle on just for himself.
MORE TO COME.