The Australian insurance industry has reacted with excitement to news yesterday that the world’s auto manufacturers have agreed to make cars practically unstealable by removing those two wires under the dash.

The changes, to be rolled out immediately, are expected to ensure that from mid-2025, no new car will include the “hot wires”. 

The troublesome feature, accurately depicted in over 90% of action movies, consists of two pre-stripped wires of the same length which are conveniently located under the dash to allow anybody without keys to quickly start any car by tapping the wires against each other.

Although welcomed by those who are regularly pursued by dangerous bad guys in areas with many cars but not many keys, the “keyless start” feature is despised by insurance providers due to the ease with which thieves can also start the vehicle.

“This is sensational!” said an anonymous spokesperson for insurance underwriter IAG.

“Now we can bring the cost of insurance down to about $20 per annum for all customers except the ones that have mags on the front and stockies on the back. This is the most interesting thing to happen to the insurance industry since every single Chrysler Voyager blew it’s transmission in 2005 and caught fire a few days later”.

Automotive manufacturers have been quick to implement the change, with the new models expected to hit showrooms in a matter of months. 

“I am not sure why we included this feature for so long. All this immobiliser stuff and anti-theft technology but you could still start the car just by tapping those two wires together. We feel very, very stupid” a spokesman at a press conference hosted by automotive manufacturer Kia said, probably, as our reporter cannot speak Korean.

The change is not expected to affect the Australian automotive industry, which is currently based in a caravan in Guildford. 


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here