Local News

PM Tells Victorians They ‘Sound Like The Missus’ After Knocking Him For Having A Beer At The Footy

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today told everyone to 'just calm down a little bit.' "Let's just ease up with all the nagging aye haha," he laughed after facing some questions this morning for why, during a 'holiday to spend time with his wife and kids,' he was spotted enjoying himself at the Cronulla Sharks game on Saturday...

Bar Promoters Scramble To Come Up With Clever Ways To Incorporate Pandemic Into Live Music Events

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT With bars and restaurants slowly opening up again, scores of bar promoters are scrambling to come up with clever ways to incorporate the pandemic into live music events. One such pack of promoters - a bunch of Whooton boys who all peaked in high school - have set aside their Sunday afternoon to bounce off some ideas. The group...

Man Attempting To Refill Pepper Grinder Cuts To Chase And Pours Peppercorns All Over The Floor

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Amongst his friendship group, David Wilson is not known for his ingenuity however this evening in his lakeside apartment in Betoota Sound he has easily silenced all his critics and has actually performed something quite innovative. While cooking a delicious carbonara for his girlfriend, “the type without cream” he says, David’s pepper grinder ran out of peppercorns. As anyone...

Apprentice Commits Social Faux Pas By Rocking Up With A Dog That Isn’t From The Bull Terrier Family

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT An apprentice has today committed a serious social faux pas by rocking up to the worksite with the wrong kind of terrier, it’s reported. Jared Krisher had been urged by his mum to take the family King Charles Cavalier, Molly, out with him, after she’d grown tired of the pup’s incessant yapping. Jared reckons that aside from...

“Mate, How Much Have You Had To Drink Tonight?” Asks Genuinely Concerned Bouncer

KENT REGINALD | Nightlife| CONTACT A local bouncer and all-round top bloke is genuinely concerned about how much a punter has had to drink before he got to the night club, several eyewitnesses are reporting tonight. Jon Biggun, a 37 year old Betoota man who works door security at local nightclub ‘Tooty Frooty’, was reportedly carrying out his usual Monday night security duties...

Drop Saw Next Door Harmonises Beautifully With Local Kookaburra An Hour Before Alarm Clock

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The trials and tribulations of living in a leafy suburban Queensland enclave were felt by all on Daroo Crescent in Betoota Grove this morning. Local tradesman, Leo, has had waited until 6:00 am on the dot to fire up his beloved drop saw - as his non-council approved renovations continue to edge further out the backyard. While Leo's neighbours try...

Local Man Enjoys Return To Making Up Bullshit Excuses As To Why He Won’t Be At Training

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Bradley Thomas has revealed to The Advocate that things are truly back to normal for him. The 3rd Grade Betoota Dolphins stalwart said that after coming up with one of his best excuses yet as to why he wouldn't make training. "Yeah I told the coach I had to pick up a puppy from way out of town for...

Back To Normal: Man Watches Coworker Aggressively Consume A Breakfast Kebab At His Desk

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There was a time when Michael Davey walked by a kebab shop at 9am and wondered why it was open. "Who'd want to eat a kebab at this hour," he'd laugh to help as he thumbed forward on this week's How I Built This podcast. As it turns out, the budding entrepreneur's coworker is one of those people who walk...

“It Hasn’t Hit Me Yet” Insists Mate With Pupils That Look Like A Gulf Of Mexico Oil Spill

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT With lockdowns slowly easing, hordes of young Australians are looking forward to spending hundreds of dollars on overpriced beer, and scoring risky stingers from a stranger in the smoking section, it’s reported. The girls at the 328 Daroo Road household have reportedly been able to tide themselves over by scoring some subpar disco biccies from the owner of a...

Real Estate Agent’s Glowing Description Of Suburb At Odds With Number Of Shopping Trolleys In Creek

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact A local Real Estate agent’s enthusiastic endorsement of the suburb surrounding a newly-available rental house has been called into question after the area was revealed to have a higher than average number of shopping trolleys in the local creek. Betoota Banks, a suburb on the outskirts of the pebblecrete belt, has a population of almost 800 but the number of trolleys in...

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