Local News

Regional Cafe Wins Local Business Innovation Award After Adopting Non-Mug Sized Coffee Option

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A cafe in our town's Heights district last night walked away with a huge honour from the Betoota Chamber Of Commerce's Annual Business Awards Night. The team at 'Koffee' took home the coveted Business Innovation Award after adopting a cutting edge new industry practice this year. Like 97% of other cafes operating in regional towns and centres...

First Instagram Post In Five Years Suggests Local Man Is Back On The Market

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Sam Battsman, a solid eight out of ten, has just uploaded his first Instagram photo in five years. The photo comes approximately 3 days after his rumoured breakup with a long-time girlfriend who is also a smoke-show.  @Sam_89’s photo sees the man debuting his newly chiselled upper body at the Old Quarry Pools and was accompanied by a somewhat cryptic...

Man Holding Fishing Rod Near Body Of Water Asked For 19th Time By Passerby If They’re Biting

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A part time retired fisherman sitting at the end of the Betoota Jetty sighs and answers the same question for the 19th time today.  “They biting, mate?” asked a stranger passing Jerry ‘Grey Beard’ Brim.  “Haven’t got a feed yet” Jerry replied.  The Advocate sat down with Jerry to talk through his frustrations.  “People see a fishing rod and can’t resist asking”  “Half...

Hungover Woman’s Body Seeks Revenge By Waking Up On Weekday Time

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local woman’s body has taken revenge on her today after she poisoned it over a period of 12 hours last night.  During the week, Tamara Johns (26), struggles to wake up with her 6am alarm, but it appears her mind had other plans for her as it clicked into gear and started processing over a hundred different non-existent...

Mum Certain Newest Informercial Exercise Bike Is The One

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Local mum of three, Ange Hodges, is feeling optimistic this morning as she puts away her wallet after purchasing yet another exercise bike advertised on the TV. The bike in question is the newest model Danoz Direct, as well as having two wheels and a seat like the other 4 bikes she’s previously bought, this new bike has some...

Mother In Law Sends Clear Message With Regifted Perfume And Misspelt Birthday Card

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact Tension has been mounting in the nearby suburb of Glencurry during what was intended to be a ‘low-key’ backyard get together. Melanie, 34, was celebrating her birthday with a small group of her closest girlfriends when mother in law Helen decided to pop by in what has been described as a “characteristically cavalier” manner, loudly announcing herself...

Local Fuckwit Exposes Entire Town To Game Of Thrones Spoiler

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young man from the Betoota Heights district is facing criticism around town this morning for an extremely provocative action. With the Game Of Thrones hype at an all-time high, Bradley Simpson has risked life and limb today by driving around town revealing a huge spoiler to fans of the hit series. Revealing spoilers has long been regarded...

Freakishly Tall Mate Pops A Squat In Group Photo

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local longfella Pete 'Pistol' Sauer has today moved quickly to provide a more aesthetic average height to his group of mates. During a long-awaited boys trip to Longreach, Pistol and the boys were snapped by a local venue photographer drinking the novelty Pimms that were on offer during happy hour at the iconic Bird Cage Hotel - but...

Local Mum Returns From Soviet Training Camp With Concerning Interest In Affordable Childcare

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local working-single-mother-of-two has today confirmed the theories that she is a full blown communist by pledging her allegiance to whichever political party can't offer her affordable childcare. The prominent canteen mum from Betoota's Flight Path District has long been accused of being a Red, especially after it was revealed that she was sitting on a waiting list...

Happily Single Young Man Whose Only Set Of Sheets Haven’t Dried Going Bareback Tonight

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local, very eligible bachelor has been forced to bite the bullet this evening and admit defeat. After trying to get on the front foot and chalk up an easy win by washing his sheets, the man named Chris Anderson was hoping that the set had dried during the course of the crisp Autumn day. However, with the week only a day old, the...

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