Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Cassie Melrose has narrowly escaped a messy death this afternoon after it became clear she had a boyfriend and was not a threat to her boyfriend.   It’s believed Justine Gallery’s plans to assassinate Cassie came into play after Cassie was seen talking to Justine’s boyfriend for a little bit too long and laughing a little bit too much. “He’s...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local 27-year-old who only recently stopped buying boxed wine has this evening executed what he thinks is a successful wine swirl while at dinner with his future father-in-law. It’s believed that Will Mueller had been studying Netflix documentaries for two weeks prior to the dinner, all in an effort to impress the wine loving patriarch of his girlfriend’s...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local rideshare driver has banked the 5-star rating barely 50 metres into a trip today. Alan Stevens, a retired accountant and local Betoota Grove resident who often gets bored enough to do a few trips around town for some ‘pocket money’ which he usually spends down at the Grove Hotel, did so when he offered his passengers...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A charismatic local bloke from Betoota's Flight Path District has today revealed why he refuses to get any hairstyle other than the blade 4 crewcut. Kev Corrigan (33), one of two Asian mates in a diverse social circle of deadshits from the light industrial outskirts of South Betoota, says he can never again bring himself to grow his hair...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Yo-Pro in Betoota's Old City District has unintentionally informed one of his colleagues that's he's been doing a bit of reading of late. Finn Hill (25) did by flashing his shiny new orange bank card at the cafe just moments ago. "Someone's been reading some self-help books hey," asked his colleague this morning, referencing the smash...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local woman has today used a serious medical condition as an excuse for her behaviour at a Betoota Grove Italian restaurant.  Brittany Asiento (25) apologised to her friends saying it was her ‘OCD’ that was causing her to repeatedly rearrange her table setting so all the cutlery was perfectly aligned.  One of Brittany’s friends, a qualified doctor, told the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Betoota Dolphins centre, Todd Bellamy, is moments away from knowing what it means to green out, it’s been confirmed.  Bellamy, who likes to think himself a bit of a tough guy, disregarded his friends warnings about smoking a whole joint to himself. Instead, challenging himself to smoke it as quickly as he can.  “Oi, watch this” he naively said.  After puffing...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the Inner city Betoota federal division of Mimimi, one local voter has today vowed to use his vote to teach Scott Morrison a lesson in the Federal Election next March. How? By voting 1 Greens in both the lower and upper house. Wyatt Enrich (32) says he's never really thought much about the power he wields as a comfortable urban...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A colleague at work that adheres to a monotheistic religion that originated in the 15th century, in the Punjab region in the northern part of the Indian subcontinent, is obviously giving Ramadan a miss this year. That's what his coworkers have decided - after seeing him plough through two seperate coffees this morning. At 30 years of age, Ravi Singh,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young gym enthusiast has decided to treat his body to a few months off the anabolics today. The 26-year-old aspiring bodybuilder and part-time personal trainer Brayden Wilson told The Advocate this afternoon that he's decided to skip a cycle after realising he was getting enough of the good shit from all of the chicken he eats. "Yeah, I...