Local News

Origins Of Disused Office Foosball Table Remain A Mystery To Entire Agency

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact Once touted as the next table tennis, a local boutique, bespoke, creative, fun, multinational mezzanine-level advertising and public relations firm has revealed that they're the proud owners of a foosball table - but nobody working there quite knows where or how they got it. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate, one of Colenso South Betoota's...

Coalition Advises Those Living Under Mortgage Stress Should Either Get A Better Or A Third Job

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Coalition leadership team has found a solution to the impending tsunami of mortgage stresses and foreclosures on the horizon by explaining that those people need to either get a better job or one that pays way more. Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg and Prime Minister Scott Morrison fronted the media today after concerns were raised...

Indie Music Fan Crushed By Friend Recognising Name Of Band They Saw On Weekend

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Sarah Goodhue was left internally seething this morning by a comment made during a run of the mill conversation with a colleague. The mid-level brand manager at a PR firm in Betoota’s trendy French Quarter was attempting to show off her left field interests when casually explaining her weekend movements to a colleague named Sam. “Yeah just went to a...

Aged Care Resident Attempts To Shank Someone In Bold Attempt To Get Decent Feed In Prison

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A resident at a local Betoota aged care facility has opened up today about her bold plan to get a half decent meal. Beryl Withers (89) who was residing in the ironically named Betoota Ponds Happy Village, spoke to our reporters about her incredible plan. Transferred to the Betoota Correctional Facility yesterday evening with Grievous Bodily Harm charges levelled against...

Housemate’s Level Of Piggery Exceeds First Estimates After It’s Discovered He’s Given Up On Bedsheets

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The living conditions and personal hygiene of a remarkably unpopular Betoota Heights sharehouse dweller has left his housemate's reeling after it's far lower than what they expected. For the past six months, Dana Rench has been practically living in bed - a bed without bedsheets. The 24-year-old works nights at Sushi Bin out at Remienko Regional Aerodrome...

Defqon.1 Reveller Now Feels Shutting It All Down Might Be A Good Thing After All

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Four days have passed since Deathcon 1 and glitter still litters Leah Greenbow's hair and chest. The leasing agent spoke candidly to The Advocate this morning after landing back in the Desert Capital early yesterday morning - just before work. While she conceded that her chipper mood yesterday might've given her the impression that she might've gotten...

NSW Government Earmarks Parcel Of Land Near Badgerys Creek For Purpose-Built Nightlife District

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The halcyon days of nightlife in Sydney is set to return after the incumbent NSW Government announced today that they've earmarked a parcel of land next to the Second Sydney Airport site at Badgerys Creek to build a dedicated nightlife district. The move comes after Gladys Berejiklian's government face criticism this morning after they elected to...

PROPERTY CRISIS: Millennial Hatches Own Plan To Short Property Market After Watching 60 Minutes

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I'm as cunning as a shit house rat," he said. "So many of my friends have jumped into property ownership before they were ready. Struggling to pay a mortgage at record-low interest rates. Paying twice as much as they would've five years ago," "Idiots." Oliver Markson is a bright, young and 'cash-rich' city worker hellbent on creating...

White Dog Does The Robot Then Drops His Guts On Local Pub Dance Floor

MORRIS GOOCH | Local News | Contact A largely unpopular local university student took to the dance floor of the Dickless Parrot Hotel in Betoota Heights last night to showcase his ability to do the robot while simultaneously dropping his guts. Miles Perryford, a 21-year-old business studies from nearby Jundah, told our reporters that he often enjoys cutting the rug of...

Boyfriend Yet To Discover Bathroom Has A Bin

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact It’s day 245 of living together for a young Betoota Grove couple, which also means it’s day 245 that Ben Hawkins is yet to discover the bin that’s been sitting in their bathroom the whole time. Despite its obvious position, the bin has managed to elude Mr Hawkins on a number of occasions. Girlfriend, Bec...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News