Local News

Exam Supervisor Pretending Like She’s Got Better Things To Do

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Summer school is coming to an end at South Betoota Polytechnic College which means exams have already started. For the four score and three students who made the decision to fuck their last term of study up by having too many bamboo schooners when they should've either been in class or doing homework, the summer...

Local Class Traitor Sits In The Back Seat Of The Uber Like It’s A Limo

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bartender has today indicated that he thinks he is far too important to share his personal space with another shift worker. After booking a ride home after a few afternoon beers with coworkers at the pub they all work at, Todd Comino (22) has opted to spend big and book a 2012 Hyundai Accent Sport 1.6...

Busy Co-Worker Hoping Someone Notices Them Having Lunch At Their Desk

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Lisa Hughes (37) reached dizzying heights of busy today, as the ambiguously titled Office Administrator ate lunch at her desk, something she hopes her co-workers will take notice of. At approximately 12 pm today, Hughes was seen heating her lunch up in the office microwave, muttering to herself about all the things she has to do, before walking...

Local Woman Tagging Partner In Relationship Memes Knows Full Well His Mates Can See It Too

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Oh God, what has she done now?" he said. The third push notification of the morning appeared on Justin Rawlin's phone and it sent a shiver down his spine. "It used to give me butterflies he said - once upon a time," "Now it just fills me with anxiety knowing that people on my Facebook, some of which...

Internet In First World Country Brought To Its Knees By Afternoon Shower

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Productivity has plummeted even further at a firm in the Old City District today thanks to a run of the mill afternoon shower. Despite the fact that pretty much everyone has stopped turning up to work, Celia Ho unfortunately still has a couple of meetings and jobs she needs to finish before the Christmas break. The Accounts Manager at a firm in...

Man Throws Group Chat Commitmentphobes Under The Bus By Proposing

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local man has caused headaches for all of his friends today. The late 20-something-man named Ben Thomspon has done so by deciding to propose to his long-term girlfriend. His proposal this afternoon to his soon-to-be wife has caused tremors amongst his friendship group. The tremors stem from the fact that Thompson's actions have now put all of his friends and...

Agency Suit Awkwardly Laughs At Something He Was 65% Sure Required A Laugh

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Sitting in a meeting at a local marketing agency, Simon Harper, a soulless suit, has just laughed at what he’s pretty sure is a joke told by his client, Emma. In the real world, the attempt at humour would be met with crickets, however, in this instance, Simon was required to laugh – well, he thinks he was meant...

Boring Man Who Really Isn’t Of Much Interest To Anyone Puts Tape Over Webcam

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Ambiguously titled IT Technician Bevan Blake (33) has protected the privacy of his uninteresting life by sticking a piece of tape over his webcam. Known throughout his company for promising to provide IT support and occasionally showing up to do it, Blake is now gaining a reputation as somewhat of a tinfoil hat type who thinks the government...

“You Need To See The World,” Says Woman Who Spent 3 Weeks Blind Drunk In Europe Ten Years Ago

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Work colleague Tracey Rhiannon (34) may have overstepped some boundaries this week by telling younger co-workers they “need to see the world” - like she did when she spent three weeks blind drunk in Europe ten years ago. Aged beyond her years, Rhiannon occasionally feels the need to state that her age makes her a wise and experienced...

Local Tradie Refers To Picturesque Location As “Today’s Office”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local chippy has let his social media followers know that they should be pretty jealous of him today. Kayden James (23) did so by posting a photo of the picturesque location he is working at and titling it 'Todays Office.' The young man uploaded the photo from a location on the coast today where he and his boss are...

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