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In the Inner city Betoota federal division of Mimimi, one local voter has today vowed to use his vote to teach Scott Morrison a lesson in the Federal Election next week.
How? By voting 1 Greens in both the lower and upper house.
Wyatt Enrytchus (32) says he’s never really thought much about the power he wields as a comfortable urban professional with a disposable income and 1.5 kids crammed into a heritage-defying rendered terrace house.
But after his favourite Prime Minister of all time was rolled in a messy lib spill last August, he’s been on a mission to oust the Nightwatchman that replaced him.
“We need to be focusing on tech and renewables” Says Wyatt.
“I come from a long line of Labor voters, but Turnbull had won me over from Shorten on that one”
“and now Morrison has effectively just run a 2007 Howard campaign”
“So, considering I am far too proud, and wealthy, to transition back to Labor…”
“I’m voting Greens!”
While local Greens Senator, Dr Rich Engay, was elected last time by stray votes from Wyatt’s particular demographic, who usually feel too guilty to vote green in both houses – 2019 looks like the year that inner-Betoota’s local Greens lower house candidate will finally leverage the support from this furious voter block of jaded enviro-bros and water birth mums.
However, what appears lost on voters like Wyatt, is that all he’s doing is undermining Labor’s safe hold on his local area – and making it harder for them to overthrown a Morrison Government.
“Labor are a bit too, you know… uniony” says Wyatt.
“A bit bogan”
“I know this seat has been Labor forever, but I don’t work in a fucken factory. I’m voting Greens”
Local Greens candidate Andy Vaxxer (22) says this is exactly the voter detachment he had been banking on.
“Just months ago I was a deregistered paramedic who was facing criminal charges for stealing and on-selling green whistles” he says.
“Now I’m basically locked in for a six figure salary for the next three years haha”
“Remember, a vote for me, is a vote for saying fuck you Scomo!”