Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Emily Smales has just offered her last piece of incoherent speech to her drunken girls chat at a Betoota pub this evening. It’s been confirmed that Smales has officially hung up her talking boots and is entering the drunken mute phase of the evening, where she removes herself mentally, just leaving her smiling, captainless body at the table as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Oh fuck, whoops," he said. "Should I go home and change?" Tom Tilley said he's 'embarrassed' and 'saddened' after he accidentally deciding to wear a Client Liaison T-Shirt to work today. The polite, humble barrel-chested Mudgeenese man slaps the bass in the neo-nineties pop duet's live band - which some in the Triple J office have interpreted as being 'quite a narcissistic choice...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Kate Swan may be the only person ever to get excited about being called up for jury duty. In bucking the Australian trend, she hasn’t even attempted to make up an excuse to get out of it. However, Kate’s excitement was shattered into a thousand tiny pieces after the case she has been assigned to turned out to be some...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Feeling isolated from the small rural property he has spent a few months in total on since he started high school, Ben Hogan made a heartfelt purchase today. Ben is what Queenslanders describe as a 'Queen Street Cowboy' - an urban man who adopts rural culture and dress in an effort to network at the top end of town. Named...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact This morning in Singapore, the Prime Minister took his PR rebrand to the next level by taking to social media to enjoy a traditional tradesman's breakfast in his hotel room. However, it's reportedly backfired after Scott Morrison (known locally by his stage name ScoMo) ran from the room to projectile vomit up the side of the vanity before collapsing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter leasing agent told The Advocate this afternoon that he's being reprimanded for releasing a bond in full back to a tenant this week - despite their being evidence to suggest the property's living room had been lived in at some point during the lease. Oscar Lipseen, of HG Stock and Realty, said...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Does God have a plan for me?" she asked. "Why does he let me suffer? Why is Janine fucking Willmott overseas again? Like half of her Facebook statuses are about her running, street-to-street battles with VodaCuck. I don't get it." Speaking candidly to The Advocate this morning on the D45 bus into the French Quarter from...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Ned Oakburn has today picked up his copy of George Orwell’s 1984 and sat it strategically atop his desk for everyone in the office to see. This comes despite his empty backpack sitting right beside him. It’s believed that Ned has done this in hopes of garnering some extra attention from colleagues passing by his desk, as one cluey co-worker explained to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "If you can, try and grab a handful of hair. That way you can free up your other hand to punch the bloke across the chin. Hopefully rendering them unconscious," he said. "Fighting in the surf is very difficult, but not impossible. With enough focus and dedication, anybody can do it. Even you." The final pep talk Betoota Ponds surfing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The thousands of young professionals that have recently moved into our town's French Quarter have been put on notice today by the Shire Council after a report into the damage they cause to the local tourism industry has prompted a plan to cull them. From next week, any 'yuppie' that is caught within the vicinity...