Local Woman Refuses To Accept Defeat And Exit The Multiple Goodreads Tabs Left Open On Phone
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has today discovered that leaving tabs open on her phone won't encourage her to read a book, but only to make her feel guilty for refusing to indulge in any form of entertainment that takes more than two minutes to consume.
It’s alleged Danielle Hutchinson had collected a few recommended books from ‘Booktok’ (the book...
Groom On Bucks Disgraces Himself With Drunken Display Of Human Emotion
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local man has turned into a local ninny earlier today, as groom-to-be Markus Bolt (32) drunkenly disgraced himself with a display of actual human emotion.While on what is currently being described as a ‘bucks year’, Bolt found himself in a hot tub, naked but for a tutu, on three different types of pills, with derogatory henna tattoos...
Report: No One Owns More Beanies Than Drummer Who Works At Bottle Shop
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWith woolly lid season soon making way for warmer weather, it has been confirmed that no one owns more beanies than a drummer who also works at a bottle shop.The recent report into winter hats and fashion by the ABS confirmed that up to 60% of the nation's woolly hats are owned by bottle shop workers who love...
“Anyone Got A Note?” Asks Bloke In Pub Toilets Who Obviously Wants To Pay Tribute To The Queen
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has seen just how many monarchists live amongst us, after he was asked by a stranger if he had a note he could borrow - obviously to take a closer look at or something.
Speaking to The Advocate, Murray Taylor says he was visiting Stockies when this incident occurred and the bloke looked a little...
“Coffee is Getting So Expensive,” Says Local Girl Ordering A Short Novel
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTAfter a lifetime of experimenting with a range of plant-based milks, local Account Manager Chantelle Gawn has finally found “her brew”.Yet after years of playing in the $5 and a smidge range for her morning coffee, Chantelle is reportedly lamenting the effects of inflation, despite the fact the amount of syllables in her coffee order is...
Barista Gives Out Thankful Nod After Woman Orders A Takeaway With the Same Milk As The Bloke Before Her
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local woman has elevated herself to ‘favourite customer’ status this morning, after embracing a sense of teamwork when ordering her morning brew.After overhearing the bloke in front of her order two large cappuccinos with one sugar each, it’s believed local admin officer Jodie Harmsworth (33) opted against any nut or grain based milks, and simply...
Violent Bouncer Has Never Had To Work A Day In His Life
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA win for the gig economy has emerged in the form of local bouncer Peter Harris (40) who claims he’s never worked a day in his life.From a notable family of street violence enthusiasts, Harris tried various career paths as both a PE teacher and a fledgling member of the Queensland Police.Somehow, Harris was a little too agro...
Co-Dependent Bestie Sees Red As Mate Has The Audacity To Have Plans With Someone Else On The Weekend
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Staring at her phone in disbelief, local woman Holly Wren finds herself grappling with some irrational feelings of jealousy.
Her best friend Erin has plans this weekend.
Plans WITHOUT Holly.
As a person who considers herself quite fair, Holly is completely aware her bestie has other friends and that’s perfectly fine, but those fuckers can have a week day.
“What are...
Harsh Reality Of Having Her Own Flat Sets In As Local Woman Struggles To Open Pasta Sauce
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAfter more than a decade of living in sharehouses, local Betoota Heights woman Ashley Stanmore has finally gotten her own place - a studio apartment without a separate bedroom, for $350 a week.
No car spot either, but she can’t drive so that’s fine.
Though she has actually enjoyed her sharehouse living in the past few years, mostly due...
Experienced Thai Masseuse Learns A Few New Moves After Watching The Melbourne Storm
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
After 22 years of practising the art of ‘Nuat phaen boran’, local Thai Massage Master Anong Saetang (45) thought she knew every move in the book.
That was until this week, when the local masseuse tuned into the first half of the Melbourne Storm game, and was surprised to learn some exciting new, ligament tearing moves.
The proud...
