Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactNo matter how many times Dylan has urged her mum to write down her fucking password, it’s evident that yet again, Michelle Stewart has failed to heed her daughter’s advice. And how does Dylan know that? She’s received yet another friend request from what appears to be her mum’s new Facebook profile, which happens to be the third one...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A footy stereotype has been exceptionally spear tackled today as 19-year-old junior footy coach Nathan Clunk opened up about not being at all jaded about his own sporting career. Like every blue collar fella who grew up north of Rockhampton, Clunk claims to have nearly got a start with the Cowboys but says he much prefers it down...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An Brit making a home for himself overseas is delighted to learn that he is white enough to be a productive expat instead of an "economy-draining" immigrant - who fills vital labor shortages. Linton Breville (34) a somewhat ambiguous man from the UK made the move out here to Betoota a few weeks ago, with plans of working...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bachelorette has thoughtfully come up with a strategy to help her friends keep track of her dating life, by employing the use of descriptive nicknames that sometimes border on insulting. Abbey Muscat had originally referred to blokes by their real names like a normal person, but quickly found her friends unable to keep track of who’s...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Staff at the prestigious Betoota University are shaking their heads this week as an otherwise normal student made the call to get involved in youth politics. While BU has not named the student in question, he is reported to be a popular and happy young man, making it all the more confusing as to why he’d voluntarily spend his...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactTo quote the great Fleabag, local woman Victoria Lawson feels like a bad feminist. Though she tries very hard to abide to her feminist values, which includes being vocal against sexism, continuely educating herself, and regularly sharing outrageous news she’s discovered via bite sized Instagram posts, there is one area she falls short - she fucking loves the golden...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Zipping through the streets of Betoota Heights in a race against time to make his 5-a-side mixed soccer match, local dental receptionist Jarrod Andrews (24) is clearly an optimist. Spotted recklessly hooning in his 2011 Mazda 2, which was recently kitted out with an aftermarket towbar, Mr Andrews is showing all the characteristics of a man...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local melanin deficient woman has this week continued her commitment to looking slightly dirty, after yet again piling a new layer of tan over her old, peeling one. Courtney Odell  is said to have had a Bondi Sands addiction since she was eighteen, after a boy at a nightclub remarked that her legs looked ‘so pale’, he’d...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Dad is setting his kids up for success this morning, after pulling together some quick-fire school lunches. The Advocate understands local father of two, Dave Andrews (38) was spotted today making a rushed pitstop into the North Betoota Bakehouse, during the peak hour rush to school. Whilst leaving his two children Tiffany (8) and...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Gold Coast man has reportedly signed a deal with the Diesel Devil this afternoon, after making an enquiry into pre-ordering the new Ford F-150. After 12 years of working FIFO in Blackwater, Coomera-based excavator operator Jayden Carney (34) has decided he’s still got a thirst for another year on the big money ferris wheel...