EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

After more than a decade of living in sharehouses, local Betoota Heights woman Ashley Stanmore [31] has finally gotten her own place – a studio apartment without a separate bedroom, for $350 a week.

No car spot either, but she can’t drive so that’s fine.

Though she has actually enjoyed her sharehouse living in the past few years, mostly due to her finely tuned skill of weeding out potential nightmare roommates, Ashley has now reached the point in her life where she yearns for a space to call (and decorate) her own).

Unfortunately, though she’d factored potential loneliness, there was one major thing she hadn’t accounted for at all. 

There’s nobody to open any of her fucking pasta jars.

Speaking to The Advocate, Ashley says she’s feeling a little bit lost, as her Italian genes require her to have some variation of pasta at least four times a week.

“I hate being a fucking cliche”, says Ashley, “but I just can’t open them no matter what I do.”

“I’m so used to just getting a roomie to do it.”

Showing our reporter her barely there biceps, Ashley asks if it would be weird to take all her pasta jars to work.

“Look I definitely don’t need a man.”

“But maybe just a staunch net baller housemate.”

More to come.


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