Couple Doing Budget Wedding Aren’t Expecting Guests To Be As Thrifty
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAlthough weddings are the tax you pay to avoid loneliness, some couples believe tying the knot shouldn’t involve bankruptcy.
Case and point, Betoota couple Sally and Rodrigo are organising their wedding with just a teeny budget by modern standards, $900 million.
The engaged couple are hoping that their scrimping and saving will leave them with some remaining money that they...
Local Woman In A New City Accidentally Finds Herself At One Of Those Hot People Gyms
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactStepping into ‘GStar Fitness’ in her finest Kmart gear, former Betoota Heights woman Angela Murphy feels her stomach immediately drop as she surveys a group of people so genetically gifted, she could have mistaken it for a model shoot.
Oh dear god. She’s at a hot person gym.
Had Angela taken one look at the gym’s Instagram page, she might...
Cologne Enthusiast Dies Internally After Being Asked If He’s Wearing Lynx Black Vanilla Fragrance
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local man known for his refined tastes in life has been asked this morning if he was wearing supermarket deodorant.
Mark Simpson, a local real estate agent and BMW lessee, was not wearing supermarket deodorant. He was wearing Tom Ford’s signature Tobacco Vanille fragrance. If it’s not worth half-a-week’s pay, it’s not worthy of...
Local Doctor Attempts To Ease Nervous Patient By Making ‘Quack Quack’ Sounds With Speculum
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights doctor has raised some eyebrows with her unconventional methods this week, after a bemused patient reports she’d ‘tried to calm her nerves’ by pretending the vaginal speculum was a duck.
Penny Lang, 27, says she was attending the Queen St clinic for her routine cervical screening exam, when she’d remarked she was ‘a little bit nervous,...
PM Says Key Difference Between ATO Debt Revival Robot And RobotDebt Robot Is The ATO’s Is A Member Of Canberra’s Queer Community
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Prime Minister has lashed suggestion that the Australian Tax Office's (ATO) new witch hunting algorithm is just another incarnation of the infamous RobotDebt saga, telling reporters in Canberra today that there are some key differences between the two.
Earlier this morning, it was announced that the ATO was "reviving" a number of debts once...
New Streaming Service Just Every Show And Movie You’ve Previously Given Up On
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAs predicted, one of the least anticipated trends of 2024 is the abundance of streaming services that has forced viewers to closely manage their paid subscriptions or worse, start reading instead.More predictably, a new streaming service has entered the thunderdome with a point of difference that isn’t simply ‘we own the rights to one show you watch to...
Rental Agent Replaced By AI For More Empathetic, Human Experience
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe leaps and bounds of the artificial intelligence sector have seen bold new innovations that have allowed users to listen to a predictable playlist and stop paying their copywriters entirely. According to critics of AI, replacing human work with machine work is step one in an eventual downfall that at best leads to richer bureaucrats and mass unemployment and...
Oppenheimer Still Not As Memorable As Aro Killing Carlisle In Breaking Dawn Part Two
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactDespite taking home a staggering seven Oscar wins, it can be confirmed that Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer has nothing on the 2012 fantasy epic, Breaking Dawn Part 2, which features a scene that is no doubt seared in the brain of every millennial woman.
Speaking to one such woman, Betoota Heights local Lily Plunkett, 29,,The Advocate learns why the Twilight...
Small Town’s Two Uber Drivers Catch Up To Complete The Gossip Jigsaw
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Two older men meeting at a Channel Country deli cafe may appear to be an innocuous affair but those in the know are aware of something far more sinister.For years, Betoota’s nearest neighbour, the barren oasis of Mt Quilby, has been battling hard to get city status and now has two whole Uber drivers to prove it.The two...
Boring Posh Kid Has Boring Posh Toys
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local child is getting life off to a boring yet incredibly privileged start as evidenced by their collection of toys that is as boring and posh as they are.While other kids waste their time in the fictional world of Pokemon, Quentin Quaggly (4) of Betoota Grove appears to be much more interested in collecting toys that directly...
