Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Australia faces a weird and unexplainable bog roll shortage, thousands of homes around the country are kind of getting a bit grossed out by the man of their house, and his lack of concern about this whole thing. This comes as images of bare supermarket shelves are widely circulating on social media amid coronavirus fears, a bizarrely popular...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT If you don't know by now, Coronavirus is the worst thing to happen to the world since one million innocent civilians were killed during the Bush-led Iraq war that Australia and the UK also gleefully joined in on. At this point, we don't know if COVID-19 worse than the regular flu, but we do know it is quite easy...

The Coronavirus hysteria has resulted in a couple of different supermarket items facing a nationwide following a week of panic shopping by concerned Australians. Number one, face masks. And number two, toilet paper. Which is weird. While dust masks look to run in the next week with no re-orders from America or China in sight, toilet paper manufacturers are now moving...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A visibly unfit local man has somehow swindled his way into the lucrative world of group fitness, it has been confirmed. Despite being positioned as the oracle of all the is health and wellbeing, a local group fitness instructor named Kenno actually looks like he could fuck his back or knees up with a few too many burpees. His employer,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The threat from extreme everyday blokes groups is “real and growing” - that's according to the head of Australia’s spy agency. These findings are being treated as inconvenient by Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton, who wants to also highlight to lefties can be terrorists. ASIO director-general, Mike Burgess, last week made a rare public address to declare his organisation's concerns...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NSW Health Officials say that Australia's largest city is now at the centre of an outbreak of a dangerously infectious disco fever. Initially thought to have been completely contained in Australia, the chesty corona infection has spread rapidly throughout Sydney, following the 2022 Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. Authorities have been warning that the Corona-virus, particularly the debut track, may...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Pete Buttigieg, the former small-city Indiana mayor and first openly gay major presidential candidate, has officially pulled out of the Democratic race of US presidential nomination This follows a crushing loss in the South Carolina primary where his poor performance highlighted an inability to build the broad coalition of voters needed to defeat Donald Trump in November. Peter Buttigieg's decision...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As of yesterday evening, Australia has reported two new coronavirus cases, bringing the total number of cases in Australia to 25. This exciting news could not come sooner for the Australian government, who have been looking for a scapegoat for the fact that the economy is fucked, and has been getting gradually more fucked for over a decade. While the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Researchers from one of Australia's most esteemed sandstone universities have today discovered a never-before-seen species of Queenslander. The Society for Combat Research and Pub Brawls (SCRAP), which is based out of the University of South West Queensland's Winton campus, have today confirmed the existence of a red-blooded mammal that drinks rum and coke in Fortitude Valley but is...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In an unprompted review, Dad has awarded the iconic Dunlop KT-26 the title of the Greatest Shoe Of All Time, Ever. The announcement, which came as a shock to local New Balance fans, was made to nobody in particular whilst Dad proudly unboxed his newest pair in preparation for a christening powerwalk. The iconic KT-26 was released in 1978,...