Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Pete Buttigieg, the former small-city Indiana mayor and first openly gay major presidential candidate, has officially pulled out of the Democratic race of US presidential nomination This follows a crushing loss in the South Carolina primary where his poor performance highlighted an inability to build the broad coalition of voters needed to defeat Donald Trump in November. Peter Buttigieg's decision...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As of yesterday evening, Australia has reported two new coronavirus cases, bringing the total number of cases in Australia to 25. This exciting news could not come sooner for the Australian government, who have been looking for a scapegoat for the fact that the economy is fucked, and has been getting gradually more fucked for over a decade. While the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Researchers from one of Australia's most esteemed sandstone universities have today discovered a never-before-seen species of Queenslander. The Society for Combat Research and Pub Brawls (SCRAP), which is based out of the University of South West Queensland's Winton campus, have today confirmed the existence of a red-blooded mammal that drinks rum and coke in Fortitude Valley but is...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In an unprompted review, Dad has awarded the iconic Dunlop KT-26 the title of the Greatest Shoe Of All Time, Ever. The announcement, which came as a shock to local New Balance fans, was made to nobody in particular whilst Dad proudly unboxed his newest pair in preparation for a christening powerwalk. The iconic KT-26 was released in 1978,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the news that Iran's Vice President is one of the country's 7 officials to contract Coronavirus, the political classes right around the world are now very aware that wealth and status is simply not enough to fend off the illness. Masoumeh Ebtekar, President Hassan Rouhani’s deputy has officially tested positive COIVD-19 - a statistic that is far too...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A wedding is a joyous occasion that’s supposed to be a celebration of love, two people choosing to spend the rest of their lives together and the ceremony a reflection of the couple, not a piss up where people behave like petulant primary school kids when they don’t get invited or it’s done in a setting they don’t...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian trade unions with skin in the fossil fuels game are now calling for salaried retirements, job placements and retraining options, as Labor leader Anthony Albanese announces his party's hope to achieve net zero carbon emissions by 2050. However, Labor’s new regional jobs taskforce will not focus on developing a "transition” plan for the 8,000 Australian workers in...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Chelsea Smalls has had an absolute shit time of it lately, it’s reported. The 21-year-old was recently dumped by her aspiring muso boyfriend Mitch, who suggested he was feeling ‘a bit smothered.’ This comes shortly after Chelsea had agreed to an open relationship, which meant not causing a fuss when Mitch felt the need to share hilarious anecdotes...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Peter Dutton has today come out to correct ASIO boss Mike Burgess’s comments about growing rightwing extremism threats in Australia. Dutton says lefties also conspire to commit terrorist acts and take steroids and wave Australian flags while talking shit about not-white people and eventually killing them only to become martyrs on the internet for their unashamed patriotism and guerrilla warfare tactics...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today immediately wrapped up a press conference after being asked why he wasn't sycophantically hanging around any footballers on Saturday night's opening NRL fixture. Morrison's decision to not go anywhere near the Indigenous vs Maori season curtain-raiser was noted by not just Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, but also the visitors. Many...