Scientists Confirm Post Malone Is 70% Labrador

Scientists Confirm Post Malone Is 70% Labrador

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a year long study into his genetic make-up, scientists have today confirmed that 22-year-old cloud rapper Post Malone is 70% Labrador. The study was commissioned by the American Medical Association and was conducted by researchers from the University of Texas in Malone’s home state. There have been rumours of Malone’s dogginess for several […]

Sesame Street Unveils Scary New Coastie Puppet, The Grog Monster

Sesame Street Unveils Scary New Coastie Puppet, The Grog Monster

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet| CONTACT The makers of the iconic and ever-popular children’s television program Sesame Street have shocked parents and children today with a spooky new coastal Australian character called the ‘Grog Monster.’ Sesame Street is an American educational children’s television series that combines live action, sketch comedy, animation and puppetry and has influenced children […]

Gran Still A Bit Funny About The Japanese

Gran Still A Bit Funny About The Japanese

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Local sales manager Kerine Wright (24) has had a hard time convincing her grandma Olive Murphy (84) that Japan is a safe holiday destination as her nana continues to not trust the Japanese. Planning on visiting Japan for only the third time this year, Wright states her grandma’s experiences as a child during […]

African Village Somehow Manages To Build A School Without Any 19-Year-Old Australian Girls

African Village Somehow Manages To Build A School Without Any 19-Year-Old Australian Girls

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Central African community has today made headlines around the world, after building a school all by themselves, without help from any unskilled Australian aid volunteers. The village, which has been at the centre of Australian charity drives before, has managed to pull together the local supplies and labour needed to construct a […]

Study Finds Every Single Middle-Aged White Kiwi Woman Looks And Sounds Exactly The Same

Study Finds Every Single Middle-Aged White Kiwi Woman Looks And Sounds Exactly The Same

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new study by the Australian Bureau Of Statistics has found that 93% of all expatriated Pākehā women living in Australia have short cropped hair and sound exactly the same as that comedian Cal Wilson. Pākehā is a Māori-language term for New Zealanders of European descent. The term has also recently come to refer inclusively either to fair-skinned persons, or to any non-Māori New […]

Obama Tells Dinner Guests What He Would’ve Said To Kim Jong-Un

Obama Tells Dinner Guests What He Would’ve Said To Kim Jong-Un

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former US President Barack Obama has shared with his dinner guests what he would’ve said to Kim Jong-Un face-to-face if he had the chance. Hosting a collection of geopolitical specialists in his grand Washington DC home tonight (local time), Obama even laughed off suggestion from a half-drunk Al Gore […]

Bill Clinton Exempt From #MeToo Because He’s A Nice Guy Once You Get To Know Him

Bill Clinton Exempt From #MeToo Because He’s A Nice Guy Once You Get To Know Him

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Bill Clinton has today confronted a re-emergence of his controversial sexual misconduct as President, stating while he believes the #MeToo movement is overdue, it’s not something that should be associated with him because he’s a nice guy. During an interview with NBC’s Today Show on Monday, Clinton faced questions about whether he should […]

Next Pirates of the Carribean Film To Feature Johnny Depp Stealing Treasure Directly From Audience’s Wallet

Next Pirates of the Carribean Film To Feature Johnny Depp Stealing Treasure Directly From Audience’s Wallet

Following the announcement of the sixth instalment of Pirates of the Carribean franchise, Disney has confirmed lovable criminal Johnny Depp will reprise his role as loveable criminal Captain Jack Sparrow in a story that will involve him stealing treasure directly from the audience’s wallet. Not much is known about the plot yet other than the […]

Idris Elba To Join The Walking Dead As New Black Character That Dies After 1 Season

Idris Elba To Join The Walking Dead As New Black Character That Dies After 1 Season

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In keeping with their tradition of casting briefly important black male characters that are played by actors who starred in The Wire, AMC’s The Walking Dead has today announced that Idris Elba will be season nine’s new expendable black male. Idris Elba, who’s character’s name is reported to be one that you don’t […]

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