World News

Kate Middleton Disappearance Explained! She’s In The Jungle With Fatty Vautin And Dyl Buckley!

ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | CONTACT After weeks of global speculation around the whereabouts of the Princess of Wales - the Royal Family has finally issued a statement this week. The millions of concerned and/or bored suburban mums hypothesising on the Princess's disappearance since January can finally breathe a sigh of relief that the she is alive and well on set for the next season...

American TV Personality Shocked To Find Out Old European Man Loves Talking About European History

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT An American TV presenter has been left utterly dumbfounded after discovering that an elderly Eastern European man loves talking about European history for an extended period of time, uninterrupted. A trait commonly associated with senior men from almost every part of Southern and Eastern Europe, these long-winded ramblings dissect events that date back millennia, and thoroughly outline changes to...

Usher’s Super Bowl Performance To See Him Stay Top Of Charts In NZ For At Least Another 8 Years

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Our friends across the dutch are today revelling in the show of a lifetime. Tuning in from milk bars and offices around the country, New Zealand has marvelled at a musical performance from a man at very the top of his game. The performance in question was that of superstar Usher, who took to the stage for the...

Tracy Chapman And Luke Combs Performance Becomes Aboriginal Community’s #1 Most Streamed Video Ever

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In her first public appearance in years, US folk singer Tracy Chapman took the stage at this year's Grammy Awards to perform her 1988 hit “Fast Car” as a duet with millennial country music superstar, Luke Combs. This 2 minutes and 34 seconds of broadcast footage has since become the most streamed video of all time for the Aboriginal...

Apple Vision Nerd Could’ve Saved $3500 On Some Polyfiltered Dirty Dogs And A Decent Rod

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In terrific news for absolute nerds with too much money, the Apple Vision Pro is officially available for purchase. And it can be confirmed that over 200,000 freaks who need to touch some grass have reportedly already secured their own 'mixed reality' headset. Apple unveiled the new device back in June 2023, and nobody really cared because it kind of...

2024 Grammys Broadcast Constantly Interrupted With Shots Of Mercilessly Bored Travis Kelce

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT American broadcaster CBS is facing a wave of criticism today, after "butchering" the annual Grammy Awards. Created to honour the best recordings, compositions, and artists, as chosen by the members of The Recording Academy - the Grammys has traditonally been western music's night of nights. Instead, it's turned into the Travis Kelce show. "What the HELL is this,"...

US Invade Another Middle East Country After Mistaking Soviet-Era Water Infrastructure For Oil Well

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The United States has finally bitten the bullet today, after a prolonged period of edging. The US Military has declared all systems go and decided to invade a Middle Eastern country, after a shocking revelation came out. That news, was the confirmation that members of a rural village were spotted examining their broken water well. "It's time," said...

“I Think Saltburn Was Snubbed Too” Says Bloke Who Found It Rather Groundbreaking And Long Overdue

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Director Greta Gerwig, who has been praised for her film adaptation of the beloved Mattel product Barbie™ - has not received an Oscar nomination for best director. The exclusion has resulted in furious backlash online, as has the snubbing of Margot Robbie as best actress. However, it's not just the Barbie-loving girlbosses who are upset about the Academy Award nominations...

United States Military Absolutely Edging After Sending A Few Rockets Into Yemen

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The men behind the United States military are today one touch away from climaxing. With their teeth firmly biting down on their bottom lip as blood pulsates to their most sensitive appendage, the people who make the US military tick are absolutely on edge over the situation in Yemen and the Red Sea. Following the flair up in...

Dumbass Ranger Trying To Give Local Man A Parking Fine Doesn’t Realise That The 10th Paragraph Of Magna Carta Literally Says All Traffic Fines Are Legally Invalid

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local parking ranger has today received quite a shock, after being treated to an informal legal lesson from a vocal citizen. Tony Pinser, a valued employee of Betoota Shire Municipal Council, was given the lecture a short time ago after trying to hand out a parking fine to a local tradesman. "Yes, the plumber was very kind...

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