“One Of Diana’s Boys Has Had A Bub” Says Mum

“One Of Diana’s Boys Has Had A Bub” Says Mum

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mum has displayed tears of joy this evening after learning that that the legacy of her darling Diana remains strong after a new addition to the family, which comes in the shape of a third grandchild “Oh the oldest one” she says. “He’s had a kid. This is just beautiful. How I wish […]

Report: Michael Caine Looking Alright For An Old Fella

Report: Michael Caine Looking Alright For An Old Fella

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT While most men his age are busy spitting on a bus or simply being dead, Sir Michael Caine continues to make a living as an A-List Hollywood actor due to his ageing cockney charm and the fact that he’s looking pretty alright for an old fella. Born in 1933, Michael Caine achieved great […]

Holidayer Who “Never Wants To Leave” Thailand Should’ve Packed Heroin In Her Carry-On

Holidayer Who “Never Wants To Leave” Thailand Should’ve Packed Heroin In Her Carry-On

Local Betoota Girl, Sally Washington (22), has been in Thailand for approximately 39hrs and has tonight revealed to her Instagram followers a deep desire to permanently stay in the unitary state at the centre of the Southeast Asian Indochinese peninsula “OMG! I never want to leave!” Sally yelled over the pumping calypso-house music at a well-known […]

Stern But Polite Phonecall From Malcolm Has Xi Jinping Reconsidering Vanuatu Military Base

Stern But Polite Phonecall From Malcolm Has Xi Jinping Reconsidering Vanuatu Military Base

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Advocate can reveal this afternoon that Chinese leader, Xi Jinping, has told some of his closest advisors that he’s now reconsidering the plan to build a military base on the tiny South Pacific nation of Vanuatu – after Malcolm Turnbull voiced his concern. The Prime Minister’s concerns were echoed by his Kiwi […]

The Queen Screens Calls From Charles Asking Her To Come Pick Him Up

The Queen Screens Calls From Charles Asking Her To Come Pick Him Up

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Her Majesty The Queen has revealed that she’s been forced to screen a number of phone calls from Prince Charles this week as the second-in-line to the throne grows increasingly tired of being away from home. The Advocate can reveal this afternoon that the Prince was under the impression […]

Indians Going Hard In The Comments

Indians Going Hard In The Comments

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The 1.5 billion people living on the subcontinent are today relishing in the fact that Australians are pathetic losers with shameful convict lineage who like to cheat in cricket because we are cowards who get favoured by umpires. When including the other members of the greater Indian diaspora, it is estimated that there […]

Ringo Starr Receives Knighthood For His Contribution To A TV Show About Talking Trains

Ringo Starr Receives Knighthood For His Contribution To A TV Show About Talking Trains

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former drummer for The Beatles, Ringo Starr, has today received the commonwealth’s highest honour for his role in bringing to life a fictional universe where locomotives have the same emotions and verbal skills as humans. The 77-year-old Ringo Starr received a knighthood from Prince William, decades after his lone surviving ex-Beatle Paul McCartney […]

Furious Putin Slams US For Meddling In Russian Election After He Only Claimed 74% Of The Vote

Furious Putin Slams US For Meddling In Russian Election After He Only Claimed 74% Of The Vote

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Another front in Russia’s war of words has roared to life today after Vladimir Putin’s election victory overnight was marred by accusations the United States influenced the result. The Russian leader secured his fourth term as President with 74% of the vote, a result largely unexpected by those close […]

Kiwis And France Still Got Beef

Kiwis And France Still Got Beef

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As rugby season kicks off, it has become clear that New Zealand and France still hate each other, not just in sport, but also on both a cultural and political level. Local South Betoota scaffolder, Benji Wellington says he’s not sure why there’s so much beef there, but he’s been raised to hate […]

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