In some sad but very predictable news from the home of the brave and the land of the free,* a local school is dealing with another tragedy after a disgruntled student entered the grounds with a loaded semi-automatic TikTok.

It’s believed to be tenth mass casualty caused by the app this year, all but ensuring that law makers will continue on with the push to ban it.

Prayers have been offered by notable politicians and figures around the state and country, in a touching display of solidarity with the victims of the latest incident.

It’s unknown how the teenager got access to the semi-automatic dance app and how he managed to cause such damage, but it’s believed he pre-meditated using a viral trend to cause maximum impact.

Authorities are excepted to comment shortly.

The latest incident follows the House of Representatives passing a bill to force TikTok’s owner to sell the app or be booted out of US app stores moving forward.

The move from the nation’s politicians has been hailed as long awaited action to try and protect the lives of ordinary Americans.

After years of inaction and countless thoughts and prayers offered to the families of victims, the new bill will likely pass congress next month.

“Finally, the people in charge of our country are doing something about the repetitive, senseless violence caused by TikTok,” said one local American today.

“The future is looking bright.”

More to come.

*T’s and C’s apply.


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