Several officials from the Guinness World Records have arrived in Melbourne today to inspect what many believe to be the world’s largest rug.

Following several hours of close examination, it was confirmed that the Australian Football League is the official world record holder in this niche but extremely notably category.

Once initially thought to be just a wholesome game enjoyed by squeaky clean young men, the AFL has in recent years shown that they aren’t too different from their neckless cousins in the NRL – and have had to combat these distasteful headlines by continuing to up the size of their code’s rug.

While Cricket Australia and the NRL appears to have absolutely no form of textile floor covering to protect their game and players – the AFL have lead the way with three-strike illicit drug policies and a handful of media fixers.

As the rest of the Australian sporting landscape continues to implode with sex tapes and admissions of ball tampering, the AFL says they will continue to cover the dark parts of their game in as much Persian wool as necessary.

A spokesperson for the Super Rugby indicated that they sold their official club rug years ago to the A-league, after discovering that not even the stuff they didn’t want in the news could make the news.


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